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I am joyous to announce the healing of 90 percent of the asthmatic condition that has plagued me for over thirty years. I experienced gradual healing as the result of my use of the power of the spoken Word and an increasingly better diet.
Still, as of three months ago I was gripped daily and nightly with attacks of asthma which required the use of an inhaler and sometimes a pulmo-aide and medicine. My condition was exacerbated by just about everything. As I once heard you say in one of your videos, it is as if "something within us does not fight and ... therefore we are participating in the choice of death rather than the choice of life." I was allergic to life.
I am sharing my awareness of this psychological pattern to help not only asthmatics but anyone with chronic conditions because, truly, for those souls my experience brings hope.
The revelation that brought about my healing came while I was watching for the sixth time "The Alchemy of Jesus' Healing" from your cable TV series The Everlasting Gospel (series 3, program 7). Some old hurts that I thought I had long ago put into the flame surfaced again.
First, I realized that I had held a lot of long-standing resentment toward someone for many years. Second, I had a sense of injustice about the fact that I had made myself over, hoping to please and gain love from this person, but he had refused to appreciate or even notice my efforts.
Third, I had a lot of self-pity because I had tried everything I could possibly think of and nothing seemed to work. In addition, I saw that I had made this person a god and kept him as a god. If this were not so, I would not have retained the above-mentioned feelings.
I immediately fell to my knees and called on the law of forgiveness for my first-commandment blunder and my substance on the eleven, eight and six o'clock lines of the Cosmic Clock,1 and I gave about ninety minutes of violet-flame decrees before going to bed.
About two days later, I was thinking it was time to get a refill for my inhaler. That's when I realized that I hadn't even used it in two days! This in itself was dramatic enough, but in the four months since then I have not had an asthma attack.
What's more, I've been exposed to house dust, fall pollens, and chemicals; I've choked on food, laughed with abandon and even gone for walks - all with no problem. In short, I am like a normal person, free to breathe the breath of life again. When the cold weather came, I caught a cold and had bronchitis, but I still didn't have asthma attacks. This is truly a miracle.
No words can express my gratitude for the teaching on the Cosmic Clock and the great gift of the violet flame. I now have firsthand knowledge that resentment blocks the victory; that a sense of injustice is the reactive pattern that blocks the calm observation that, as the beloved Goddess of Justice has taught us, "In reality, there is no injustice anywhere in the universe"; and, clearly, that self-pity robs one of the harmony necessary for wholeness.
I continue to search the past with Kuthumi, the Master Psychologist, to find other relationships in my life which have followed the previous pattern so that, by God's grace, I can release every last bit of this substance into the violet flame.
My feeling is that those who, because of fear or ignorance, neglect the opportunity to work on their personal psychology are hurting themselves more than they can ever know. What's more, they are robbing the planet of themselves at their best - God-free beings whose words will move the mountain of adversity we all face in these times.
My thanks to you and Mark Prophet for making God's Truth available to the many.
A Sacred and Holy Experience in the Hour of My Mother's Death
I would like to share with you the experience I had at the time of my mother's sudden passing from the screen of life on earth.
It was Saturday, April 16, 1994, when I called my mom in the hospital from a pay phone at the airport. I was on my way to a seminar in Seattle. My mom had cancer and had been in the hospital for nine days. Her spleen was now enlarged and she was anemic. At the time when I called, she was being given oxygen and could not speak. I was concerned that her condition was worsening. I decided I would call back once I reached my destination.
But as I returned to my seat in the waiting area at the gate, I felt torn about what I should do. Should I try to change my flight and go to New Orleans to be with my mom or continue on to Seattle? I felt my Christ Self was now directing me to sit down and read my Pearl of Wisdom and get myself centered. Suddenly I felt a comforting presence in, through and around me. My inner voice said: "Continue on to your destination. She must pass through this initiation on her own and you must move on with your plans."
As the plane landed in Seattle, I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness that my mom was leaving this octave and that I had not talked to her. I tried calling her hospital room, but there was no answer. Later that evening I received a phone call with the news of her passing.
Many hours passed and I was about to retire. I suddenly realized that it might be possible to contact the Messenger by phone to inform her of my mom's sudden passing and of my need to extend my time away from the ranch. I would need to go to New Orleans after the seminar to attend the memorial service and take care of my mother's estate.
I was able to reach Mother right away. As she comforted me, she also instructed me to make sure that my mother was dressed in white prior to her cremation. She said that even though my mother might not be making her ascension, she would still be graduating to another plane. She also instructed me to see my mother before she was cremated and to instruct her to go with the angels. She said that my mother would possibly make it to the kindergarten of the etheric octave, but she was not sure and she would make the calls for her.
My husband and I flew out to New Orleans in time to arrive at the crematorium hours before my mom's cremation was scheduled so that we could be with her and make calls for her. The building was old and dark. The attendant took us to the room where she lay and then left us alone.
I felt a fear overcome me, thinking I did not know how to speak to her or how to approach her. I motioned to my husband for us to quickly leave the room, for I had to center myself. I then took a deep breath and asked Lanello to walk into the room before me. I took my husband's hand as we walked closer to her body.
I suddenly felt such an overwhelming presence of divine love between her heart and my heart and the heart of God and the angels tending her. Suddenly the room was filled with a pulsating light. A warmth filled my heart and I knew her soul was ever present in spirit. I told her I was safe with my husband, that he would take care of me and that she must go with the angels who were presently tending her. I prayed for her soul to receive the angels and Archangel Michael, and we bowed our heads to the light within her and left.
My husband and I went to the chapel to give Ashram rituals, devotional decrees and invocations for her soul to receive the angels and to go to her assigned destination. An hour or more later we felt the peace in our hearts that she was ready, and we asked the attendant for her body to be cremated.
After the cremation ceremony, friends and family went to eat lunch together at a restaurant where my mom used to eat quite often. The waitress seated us at a round table, where all six of us sat, and there was one empty seat. The waitress came back to the table and asked with a puzzled face, "Didn't you have a child with you also?" (There was no child anywhere in the restaurant at that time.) A few of us smiled across the table. We knew it was my mom's soul, for she was very childlike in spirit.
I am so grateful to Mother for all the guidance and teachings that made this experience a very sacred and holy one. I am so grateful to have the Masters and these teachings available to help us with every challenge that we need to face and overcome, with grace at our side.
A Priscilla of Boston Wedding Gown!
Mother, I read with great interest your 1995 Pearl of Wisdom "On the Soul" (vol. 38, no. 29). You taught from Matthew 22:2-14, Jesus' parable of the marriage feast and the wedding garment. I recognized it as the story of myself and of every soul. This Pearl is truly a treasure to be read over and over again. It brought to mind my own wedding day. I would like to share a little story with you.
In 1989 I was working as a teaching assistant at Summit University and was to be married during the quarter. Someone told me to call to Lanello to help me to get a wedding gown. In fact, they said that Lanello was so good at weddings that even if you borrowed someone else's gown, Lanello could make it fit!
I really could not afford a wedding dress. It seemed extravagant to buy a dress to wear for only a few hours. My father had always been somewhat skeptical about weddings. He felt that large weddings with all the trimmings were an unnecessary expense. He used to joke that he would pay for me to elope!
So I always thought that long wedding gowns were not for me. I planned to buy a nice dress that I could wear after the wedding and I would leave it at that. I made the calls to Lanello, but I did not really expect an answer. I was sure that he was very busy with much more important things than what I would wear to my wedding.
One of the SU students heard that I was to be married and she asked if I had a wedding dress to wear. I told her that I did not. She then offered me her own wedding dress as a gift. She told me that she had inexplicably felt the urge to bring her wedding dress with her when she came to SU! She had no idea why, as she was divorced and had no plans to remarry. She was mystified and felt a little foolish bringing a wedding gown to Montana. But she followed the prompting of her Holy Christ Self and drove all the way from Ohio with her wedding dress in its box on the back seat of her station wagon. I was very touched and, of course, gratefully accepted her gift.
She was concerned about whether the dress would fit, as I have a slight build and usually take a size 6 or 8 in a dress. Although she told me that when she was married she was several sizes smaller than her present size, we both expected that I would need to take the dress in. But, amazingly, when I tried the dress on, it was a perfect fit. It was as if it had been made for me!
But what surprised me even more was the label on the dress. When I examined it closely I saw that it was made by Priscilla of Boston. I quickly cast my mind back to when I was a girl of ten or eleven in Australia. I loved to read the National Geographic magazines. I would sit on my bed for hours and read about all of the faraway places. I particularly enjoyed the stories about America and the lives of the people there. I never dreamed that I would one day travel far across the ocean and that this great land would be my home.
I loved looking at the pictures and pored over the magazines until I knew many of the photographs and their captions by heart. I remember one particular photograph of a bride modeling a beautiful wedding gown. The caption told me that it was made by Priscilla of Boston. It sounded so grand!
Her gowns were very beautiful but very expensive. She designed exclusive wedding gowns for society women in Boston and all over America. Brides would come to her to have their gowns specially designed. I remember thinking, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if I could one day be married in such a gown, a Priscilla of Boston gown?" The idea seemed very remote for a small girl living in Australia. But Lanello must have been listening!
Now, over thirty years later, here I was, walking down the aisle towards my new husband in a Priscilla of Boston wedding gown! It was a lovely Empire-line, ivory silk and lace gown with a long train and veil. I felt very special, as all brides do on their wedding day.
Happily, my family was visiting from Australia and could attend the wedding. My father was too ill to walk me down the aisle, but he was able to attend the wedding with my mother and was very happy for me. My sister was my bridesmaid and my brother stepped in as father of the bride.
I have thought quite a bit about "Lanello's wedding gown" since that day six years ago. What long-range planners the Ascended Masters are! How tender and infinite is the love of our beloved Lanello for each one of us personally. I was very moved that he should be concerned enough about one soul's happiness on her special day. We think that we are barely noticed by heaven, but not so. How important is each individual soul in the eyes of God and the angels!
I was touched that Lanello was just like a father to me. He could read the inner desire of the little girl within me even though I had long ago silenced her desires. He not only provided me with a wedding gown but he made sure that I would know that it was the right one. I only had to read the label to see that it was the only gown in the world for me. And a perfect fit, too!
I am now a minister of our Church and feel very blessed when I am able to perform weddings for couples in our Community. It is very touching that in the wedding service in our Church, if the father and mother of the bride cannot be present to give the bride away, then she may choose to be given away by Lanello and the Mother of the Flame when the minister asks: "Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?"
I often shed a tear at the beauty of the service and the presence of the Masters and the angels. I remember my own wedding and I think about what Lanello was trying to tell my soul that day. In the Pearl of Wisdom "On the Soul," you said:
The soul is the mortal part of ourselves that can become immortal - that must become immortal if she is to survive. To achieve immortality, the soul must be fused, or bonded, to her Higher Self, who is her Holy Christ Self. Yes, until this bonding takes place, the soul is impermanent and therefore can be lost.
This is why souls who are not tethered to their Higher Self are in jeopardy on planet earth. ...
... The goal of the soul is to attain union with God and ... to achieve this she must rise to the heart chakra and be bonded to her Holy Christ Self through the Sacred Heart of Jesus. But before this bonding can take place, the soul must accomplish many tasks, one of which is the daily weaving of her wedding garment. The Ascended Masters call the wedding garment the deathless solar body. ...
Day by day we weave our wedding garment, the deathless solar body. When we have perfected that garment, our souls will be ready to return as Brides of Christ to the heaven-world, never to go out again from Eden.
So many of the Ascended Masters, including Lanello, have spoken of the alchemical marriage of the soul to Christ - the union of the soul with one's own Holy Christ Self, with the Christ of Jesus and every Ascended Master. Whether we wear a male or female body, whether we are married in this life or not, it does not matter. Each one of us can become the Bride of Christ.
I think that Lanello was showing me a vision of what I could become and what each of us could become. By giving me a physical wedding dress to wear for a day, he was urging me to weave my deathless solar body for eternity and to enter into the marriage of the Lamb, to become a Bride of Christ. I am striving each day to do this, and I am truly grateful for the Ever-Present Guru, ever pointing the way home to his children.
N.B. Testimonies of disciples of Jesus Christ and the Ascended Masters stating their witness to the power of Truth in their lives appear regularly in this column in the Pearls of Wisdom. If you would like to witness to the power of Truth in your life brought about through the Ascended Masters and their Messengers, we welcome your testimony for publication. Your letter will be kept on file in our archives but your name will be withheld from this page to protect your privacy and your progress on the Path.O Jesus, meek and humble of heart,
Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being loved,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being honored,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being praised,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the desire of being approved,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being despised,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected,
Deliver me, O Jesus.
That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others might be esteemed more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I go unnoticed,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I,
provided that I may become as holy as I should,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
Here, in this all-embracing prayer, His Eminence Cardinal Merry del Val lays bare in a developmental, step-by-step fashion the embodiment of the totality of his conquest of self and of his entire spiritual life, revealing the secret sanctuary wherein he found the Source of Peace. He was accustomed to recite this litany after the celebration of Mass.
Reprinted, by permission, from A Prayerbook of Favorite Litanies, comp. Father Albert J. Hebert, S.M. (Rockford, Ill.: Tan Books and Publishers, 1985), pp. 308-9.
A Wonderful Healing from Saint Germain
I want to tell you about the wonderful healing I've had from Saint Germain.
It began on the evening of the first ritual of soul retrieval, which was given on March 3, 1995. That evening before the service, I lay down to rest and, uncharacteristically, fell asleep. A memory surfaced from deep in my soul: an attack against me by a fallen one whose intent was to destroy my very being. The architecture seemed to place it in Lemuria, but it could have been Atlantis.
I awoke in shock and felt nauseous from the memory. My only thought was to get to the court and decree. The image was burned into my third eye so that if I closed my eyes, the awful scene vividly recurred. Once in the court, I sat in the second row and kept my eyes glued to the Chart of the Presence.
That night, Mother, when you gave the teaching on how trauma has caused us to lose fragments of our souls in time and space, I knew that was why I had had this memory rise into consciousness. You see, I had become resigned to being a partial person. I thought that if years in the Teachings, years of therapy, a good diet, years of stability, a wonderful department head, et cetera, et cetera, hadn't made me whole, nothing would be able to make me whole. I thought that if I had never experienced wholeness, I would never be able to model it in my life. I thought I must be crazy, yet I knew I was missing something fundamental.
What a relief when you spoke those words! I really was missing something! And not only that, you gave me the keys for getting it back! After that night I continued the action with a novena of decrees from the ritual and countless calls for my soul fragments to return.
I did not immediately notice a difference in myself. Then came Saint Germain's May 14 dictation, in which he gave us a violet-flame dispensation (Pearls of Wisdom, vol. 38, no. 19). He said:
The violet flame is caressing your bodies, entering your pores as my angels give you a blessing and a charge for all that you must accomplish for the victory of our eleven-day FREEDOM 1995 conference. Receive this violet flame not only for your strength but also for the healing of your bodies.
Visualize in your mind's eye a sign that you hold up to the angels who now attend you. On that sign, mentally write a list of any ailments or burdens you carry in your body. My angels have come to assist you to transmute all burdens upon your four lower bodies through the violet-flame decrees you give this day.
Take advantage of this opportunity, beloved. All of my violet-flame angels are, in a sense, extensions of myself. As they minister unto you and as you continue your violet-flame decrees today, I extend to you through them a dispensation of my presence until the hour of midnight your time so that you may experience a wondrous transmutation and healing.
I had worked all day long and had finally got into the court at about 11 p.m. I did an hour or less of violet-flame decrees. Yet most assuredly Saint Germain made me whole.
I can't tell you the moment when my soul fragment (or fragments) returned. I think that it was a large piece and that it had to be returned as my body slept. Now I AM a different person. There is an inner core of stability that I had never known before. It seems I am able to be kind to people from a place deep within me and the kindness flows out naturally. I feel content to "wait on God." I experience a connectedness with God and life that I'd only read about before. Praise for God and Life flows out of me, and my polestar is that inner light. I am no longer pulled and pushed by every little circumstance. Glory to God!
I also must tell you that I endured the awful imprint of that memory for thirty hours. But when I wrote to you about it, the moment I placed the letter in the mail, the memory left me and was consumed by your mantle.
By the grace of God, the Ascended Masters and their Messenger, I can face life with renewed hope and energy because a large part of myself has been returned to me. I look forward now to a glorious future, expanding into infinite light!
May God bless you and keep you for many years, for his children need you so much.
I would like to witness to you a series of events that began over twelve years ago that proved to me El Morya's love and concern for me - and that he is indeed here, caring personally for each of us.
It started back in 1983 when I had an inner retreat experience with El Morya. When I woke up, I remembered being seated in front of El Morya on a thick, plush carpet with other chelas seated nearby. Extending from his hand to my hand was a beautiful golden rope. He was instructing me, saying that whenever I was in need of him I could pull on this golden rope and that he would be there immediately to assist me. I then proceeded to pull on the rope. El Morya very lovingly chided me by saying that just now I did not need his help but that he wanted me to know just how close and accessible he was to me.
I awoke feeling profound love for El Morya and his presence in my life. However, in the months following this experience I struggled through a difficult period of my life. I gradually slid into states of selfishness and self-concern. I needed a realignment with El Morya's heart. He provided it in a dictation he gave on June 24, 1984, in the Heart of the Inner Retreat.
During the decree service I had been sitting near the back of the tent. Just preceding the dictation, I was asked by the usher if I would like to sit up front. I agreed and was led to the first seat in the first row.
Right before the dictation, the congregation was singing a song to El Morya. I remembered my rope dream and visualized myself pulling hard on a taut rope stretched between myself and El Morya. A few minutes into his dictation he said, "There is a sense of slack in the rope, as though a little slack will not hurt." I was shocked to hear those words, especially in light of my visualization of a tight rope extending from my hand to his.
He then continued his discourse by asking, "When was the last time you listened to my dictation on the Gemini Mind of God?" (Pearls of Wisdom, vol. 24, no. 43) I thought to myself, "Why, I read this Pearl of Wisdom often. He isn't talking to me." El Morya continued, " ... and its sequel?" I suddenly felt very humbled because I had no idea there were two dictations on the Gemini Mind.
The entire dictation had a deep impact on me, for I felt like an open book that he was reading from. No thoughts or feelings could be hidden.
A few years later El Morya was scheduled to give a dictation on August 9, 1987 (Pearls of Wisdom, vol. 30, no. 48). That afternoon preceding the dictation, I told two close friends about my "slack rope" experience back in 1984. They enjoyed hearing my story.
Later that night we were thrilled to hear the end of El Morya's dictation, for he said:
Meditate upon the cadences of my mind, for they are a rope that you pick up at the beginning of a tunnel. And you follow the rope, and beyond its cadences and the paces through the tunnel you will reach the secret chamber of my heart. Hold on to the rope. Do not let go of it. My sentences form this strong hemp.
I was so happy to hear those words, for to me they had a special, personal meaning and were so filled with love and encouragement.
I am so grateful for El Morya's presence in our Community and lives. Come what may, by God's grace, I plan to hang on to that rope that leads to his heart.
Turn Off the TV and Save the World!
I would like to bear witness to the power of Jesus wielded through his dictation given Sunday, October 8, 1995 (Pearls of Wisdom, vol. 38, no. 38), in which he sternly addressed the Keepers of the Flame about our movie watching habits.
My husband and I were sitting together in the sanctuary of the Detroit Teaching Center listening to this dictation, delivered during the Harvest 1995 conference (our center's first phone patch conference). At beloved Jesus' words: "I, Jesus, state for the record that it is my desire that you not watch motion pictures more than twice a month," we looked at each other. I immediately knew that we were cut free of a video and TV addiction that had been literally engulfing us the past several months.
I could feel the power of Jesus cut me free, in a way I had never experienced before during a dictation! I was so relieved, so grateful - words cannot express my emotions in that moment.
In our eight years of marriage we had not watched TV excessively, although any TV time at all could have been put to much better use in decree work. But about a year ago we purchased our first VCR, and soon thereafter we "discovered" the world of the local video rental store. Little by little, we started renting videos. One here, one there. Innocently enough, or so it seemed.
As time went by, we found ourselves renting a video once per week, sometimes even more. The "rent one, get one free" coupons would come in the mail, and we'd get two videos at once. Then we discovered the local library video collection, renting for just $1.00 each, which made it even more attractive. Plus, it seemed like once we started watching videos, this led to watching more TV as well.
There were insidious aspects to this video watching, besides the total wasting of time. We would watch movies at night, get to bed late and not get up for morning decrees. As we browsed the video rental store, we became interested in all the movies we'd missed over all these years and found ourselves with lists of movies we wanted to rent. And worst of all, we began watching movies that were violent, astral and that definitely did not fit the second half of Jesus' admonishment on movie watching, which was, "It is also my desire that the videotapes you bring into your homes be quality entertainment suitable for family members of all ages."
We were acutely aware that we were becoming more and more addicted to videos, but it was such a delicious animal magnetism that we were not fighting it. It's a vicious ploy of the force, because watching videos takes you from your decrees, puts your consciousness in the astral plane and you begin to sink beneath the waves of the astral sea instead of skimming the top of those waves.
I should not have to speak to you about what you should be doing with your so-called free time, when the world is in such pain, when innocent children are victims in a useless war and are left maimed and dying for want of medical care and when the diseases of the last plagues are taking the lives of millions daily.
Think about this: Each time you take in a worldly motion picture, it takes you a minimum of five days to transmute it if you have a good momentum on giving your violet-flame decrees - and much longer if you don't.
That really gave me pause. Watching six movies per month, not excessive by worldly standards and definitely within the range of our viewing schedule at that time, meant that thirty days of violet flame each month were being utilized to transmute those movies! I, for one, want my violet-flame decrees to be used to transmute the karma of my past lives and to save the planet rather than to be wasted cleaning up my movie messes!
Mother, I witness to you that our lives have been totally turned around since this dictation was delivered. We've watched very few movies in the months since we heard it. The TV is only turned on in our house now for news and an occasional National Geographic program. Best of all, my desire to watch movies and TV is nearly 100 percent gone! I can hardly believe it - it's like a miracle!
Previously, watching movies was a treat I anticipated. Now I use my evenings for decrees and projects and look forward to fitting in those decrees I just couldn't get to during the day. At FREEDOM 1995, El Morya told us that our formula for victory is to be sure that each day we have at least one more victory than we have defeats. Often I feel my evening decree session has secured the final victory to tip the scale for that day.
My overall path of chelaship is benefiting in a way that is exciting to behold. It's as if the set of my sail has been completely altered. I've started new projects, I'm giving more decrees daily and I'm feeling much closer to God and to my Holy Christ Self. At night, I retire with a ritual consciousness, set by a forcefield of decrees and prayers, instead of sullied by movies. I'm getting up earlier, giving my morning decrees and striving each day to fulfill my complete decree matrix. I'm finding it easier to hold my harmony and am making progress in areas of my personal psychology that have been blocking my progress for years.
So much has changed, and I know it's a direct result of Jesus' dictation, of being cut free from this video addiction. The Masters have repeatedly told us to extricate ourselves from the astral plane, to not let even one toe remain there. And Jesus reminded us of this in his dictation: "I tell you, no one who keeps one foot in the astral plane will make his ascension in this life unless he determines to engage in a fierce battle against the entities of his addictions."
I feel that beloved Jesus came to me through his magnificent dictation and pulled me out of the astral plane, by God's great grace and mercy.
I am so grateful to beloved Jesus, and to you, Mother, as the instrument through which he delivered this powerful healing light which cut me free. I pray that many Keepers of the Flame will take to heart this message of our Lord and Saviour, turn off the TV and VCR and become the Christ for the saving of the world.
During the last week in April 1996, thousands of families, schools, libraries and community organizations will join together in a coordinated effort in which millions of individuals will leave their TV sets off for seven days. In exchange, participants in the second annual National TV-Turnoff Week will engage in a broad range of substitute activities that foster greater social, physical, academic and creative development.
The average American watches more than four hours of TV each day. At this rate, by age 65 that person will have spent nine years of their life watching television. Upon graduation from high school, the average American child will have spent more time watching TV than in school.
The huge success of the 1995 TV-Turnoff (more than one million people participated) demonstrated that a solid one-week recess from TV helps establish conditions that allow for more family interaction, reading, volunteering, exercising, enjoyment of nature, playing of sports, taking part in community affairs, thinking, creating and doing!
To learn how to organize a local Turnoff in your school, library or community, contact:
1322 18th Street N.W., Suite 300
TVFA will help get you started and, for a $5 donation, send you an "Organizer's Kit" that includes a guidebook, poster, bumper stickers, pledge cards and an information packet.
Reprinted from an announcement distributed by TV-Free America.
TV-Free America is a national nonprofit organization that encourages Americans to reduce, voluntarily and dramatically, the amount of television they watch in order to promote richer, healthier and more connected lives, families and communities. TVFA is nonpartisan, nonsectarian and supported by both its membership and foundation grants.
A temporary TV-Turnoff is a fun opportunity for schools and households to promote a voluntary break from the medium that most often interferes with reading, family interaction, creative development, academic growth and healthy physical activity.
The U.S. Department of Education also advocates a reduction in television watching by children. Education Secretary Richard Riley has stated that "the teenager who is perpetually glued to the tube is well on the way to having a very dull mind - and perhaps risky future."
Already, thousands of schools and community groups are preparing for a week without TV. To reach our goal of 20,000 local Turnoffs in schools, libraries, congregations and neighborhoods nationwide, your assistance organizing a Turnoff in your community is essential.
It's not hard to do and doesn't require a great deal of time. Simply speak with a parent, PTA member, teacher, school administrator or librarian you know and encourage them to join this important event. We'll send posters and supporting materials upon request. If you'd like to support TV-Free America's other programs and receive regular updates about our activities, please become a member - we need your help!
Reprinted from an announcement distributed by TV-Free America
The Messenger invites you, your family and Teaching Center or Study Group to have your own TV-Turnoff Week whenever it fits best into your schedule.
I am a relatively new chela and I have never written to you previously. However, the story "Resentment Blocks the Victory," from the "I AM the Witness" in my most recent Pearl, compelled me to share with you some of the wondrous things occurring in my life since embarking upon the Path.
I first learned of the Teachings of the Ascended Masters in October 1994. I have been studying, learning and decreeing since that time.
A few weeks after I started decreeing, I received instruction from the Ascended Masters that I was not to defile my body with cigarette smoking. I stopped immediately and have been enjoying freedom from that addiction for more than fifteen months.
There have been miraculous physical healings for a dear friend. Acquaintances of more than twenty years past have called to make amends for misdeeds of long ago. Several months ago, my brother had a glorious spiritual awakening and more recently, my sister. Just today she called with a voice of light and joy to tell me the release she had felt when she had been able to truly forgive and to thank me for helping her to see.
It seems that the more decrees are given with sincerest love and devotion, the more that we can transmute in ourselves and the more that can be awakened in others.
In November of last year (1995), I was attending a Helen Collier seminar in San Francisco. During the Saint Germain service Saturday evening, I was shown by the Ascended Masters that I needed to forgive more fully my ex-husband, whom I had divorced more than seven years ago. Although I had made several overtures of forgiveness towards him, much bitterness and resentment still remained between us, harming not only ourselves but our children as well.
I started working on completely forgiving more and more each day, releasing the resentments and the pain. The more decrees that I gave, invoking the violet flame of freedom and forgiveness, the more joyful my life became, losing more and more of the shackles and dross.
And, dearest Mother, two weeks ago, my seventeen-year-old son related to me that a miracle had occurred with his dad. During a recent visit, his father had asked him and his brother's forgiveness for not being there for them when they were younger. Also, that the things that he had told them about me were untrue and that he was sorry for all the pain he had caused them. That he wanted to be the best dad from now on that he could be. He also spoke for the first time of his belief in God.
I sat spellbound in stunned silence, with tears of joy flooding my eyes. This is truly a miracle of unprecedented proportions, evidencing more fully the necessity of forgiveness and the true powers of faith, love and the spoken Word.
The healing that is now happening with my children is joyous indeed.
My love and appreciation for all your love, hard work and unceasing devotion to the cause of freedom for mankind is almost beyond expression.
I thank God for you and for His showing me the way.
Take a Sabbatical at the Royal Teton Ranch
Dear Mother and Pearls Readers,
I am filled with joy as I witness the sun shining down upon the Yellowstone River on this early autumn day. Reflected in the waters of the river are the golden leaves of trees growing along the bank.
At moments like these, I feel extremely fortunate to be here at the Royal Teton Ranch and not pounding the pavement in Los Angeles, New York or a hundred other cities. Here I do not have to be concerned about being mugged, being stranded in traffic, being barraged by rock and rap music or being subjected to the other myriad stresses of the mass consciousness. I just wonder what took me so long to get here. Conceivably, I could have been here eight years earlier than I was.
One reason I delayed coming and joining the staff and the Community was fear - fear of the cold. After spending six winters here, I can truly say that the weather in this sheltered Paradise Valley has not been nearly as bad as I feared. I was often more uncomfortably cold in the damp cold of central California than I've been in the dry cold here. My blood has thickened, so to speak, and I have learned to dress so that I am usually not uncomfortable during cold spells.
Another fear I had was of hard work. Sometimes the only way to overcome fears is to make the calls to the Masters and then to confront the fears. So I talked myself into volunteering to serve at the ranch for a summer. I figured that I could at least get through one summer.
I had such a great time that I came back for two more summers before finally joining staff. The third summer of volunteer work and my first summer on staff were spent irrigating crops. The second summer of irrigating was particularly intense because we probably had more acres planted than ever before. We were trying to finish stocking our shelters with food.
When that summer was drawing to a close (and after many, many initiations), one of the seasonal farm staff confided in me that he had not really thought that I would last through the summer but that I had surprised him. So if I, a "98-pound weakling," can do it - by God's grace - so can most of you out there who may be hesitating.
Another reason I did not arrive at the Inner Retreat sooner was attachment. I had a good job and many possessions that I was unwilling to release. A rather amusing dream showed me that I had better surrender those attachments; otherwise I was going to miss the boat or, in this case, the bus.
At that period of my life, I was commuting to work on the bus. I dreamed that one day after work I arrived at the bus stop with a pig on a leash. I immediately realized that I had a dilemma. I knew that the bus driver would not allow me on the bus with a pig. I had to either leave the pig (greed) or miss the bus. I tied the pig to a bicycle rack and stepped onto the bus.
I was recently reading the Tao Teh Ching by Lao Tzu2 and discovered quotes that are appropriate to nonattachment:
Keep empty and you will be filled.
Grow old and you will be renewed.
Have little and you will gain.
Have much and you will be confused.
He who knows when he has got enough
Thus, an excessive love for anything will
The storing up of too much goods will
To know when you have enough is to be
Now that I am finally here, I find life on staff and in the Community to be easier than life on the outside. Here, I can walk from where I live to work, decrees, services and the cafeteria. Before, I felt I was putting my life at risk by getting on the freeway to get to work and services. Life was a constant struggle, i.e., juggling all the balls representing the various compartments of my life without dropping any of them.
I enjoy the Community so much that I am reluctant to leave even for vacations. I spent my first vacation on staff here because I really could not figure out what was out there that I wanted which I did not have here. I was telling a visiting relative how infrequently I left the ranch. He replied, "You have everything you need here." The best part of leaving the Community is coming back. You appreciate the Community after going outside of it and experiencing the negativity elsewhere.
Again, quoting the Tao Teh Ching:
Without going out of your door,
You can know the ways of the world.
Without peeping through your window,
You can see the Way of Heaven.
The farther you go,
The less you know.
Thus, the Sage knows without travelling.
When I first came on staff, I took the Community for granted. However, about two and a half years ago I became very ill. The tremendous support of the Community was largely responsible for my complete recovery. I now know why the Sangha (the Community) is one of the Three Jewels in which the disciple takes refuge - i.e., turns to for protection and aid - along with the Buddha and the Dharma (the Teaching, or the Great Law). The Community is truly a precious jewel to be cherished, protected and not to be taken for granted.
I would encourage anyone who is considering applying for staff not to procrastinate, as I did, and thus delay the joy.
Lanello sums it up succinctly in his closing dictation from the FREEDOM 1993 conference (Pearls of Wisdom, vol. 37, no. 27):
And this day I appeal to you who are the members at large to come for a stay, to take up your place in one of the departments of the Church. ...
Yes, beloved, there needs to be a changing of the guard that those tending the fields that are white already to the harvest might come and serve at headquarters for a season and learn what chelaship is and not believe those stories about how hard, hard, hard and much too hard it is to serve on the Messenger's staff. ...
... Take a stint, take a sabbatical here, and come and see how you also can emerge as the shining ones.
Back Pain Healed by Saint Germain
A few days before Saint Germain's May 14, 1995 dictation (Pearls of Wisdom, vol. 38, no. 19), a constant strong pain began in my lower back, radiating out from the base of my spine. I found it quite difficult to sit, even in my comfortable office chair.
I had considered staying out of the court on Sunday and participating in the service in an overflow room where I could stand and move around more freely. But by the grace of God, I decided that despite the pain I would rather be in the white-fire forcefield of the court. I was fortunate to find a seat in the second row.
During his dictation, Saint Germain said: "Visualize in your mind's eye a sign that you hold up to the angels who now attend you. On that sign, mentally write a list of any ailments or burdens you carry in your body. My angels have come to assist you to transmute all burdens upon your four lower bodies through the violet-flame decrees you give this day."
On my sign I wrote: "pain in lower back at base of spine." Almost immediately the pain vanished. And after the dictation, I felt so refreshed and uplifted that I stayed in the court giving violet-flame decrees for an hour before taking dinner. I also returned to the vigil after dinner. It has now been ten months since Saint Germain's dictation and the pain has not returned.
I am awed to think what a tremendous blessing I might have missed had I decided to pamper myself. Once again I am reminded that God takes our simple offerings and returns them to us multiplied many times over.
A few days after Saint Germain's dictation, I recalled with excitement that the pain I had felt in my lower back was at the site of several old injuries. In the past six years I have had three bad falls, each time landing on my tailbone. Twice I slammed down onto iced concrete, once onto an iced metal plate. With each injury the pain at the base of my spine lasted longer, and the third time I fell it took over four months for the pain to subside.
Had I not felt the intense pain before and during Saint Germain's dictation, I would not have thought to ask for the healing of that area. So, this back pain was truly a blessing.
I also received another blessing during Saint Germain's dictation. After he said, "The violet flame is caressing your bodies, entering your pores as my angels give you a blessing. ... Breathe in the violet flame," I noticed the unmistakable scent of violets. This fragrance lasted throughout the remainder of his dictation. Glory be to God!
How Beautifully Saint Germain Has Crafted
Recently I was sitting in the chapel waiting to lead decrees at one of our Sunday services. As I was sitting there I was thinking about my aching foot. I had a painful area on the bottom of my foot from a recent laceration. As a nurse, I was aware of the possibility of infection and, to be honest, had been anxious earlier that morning at the thought that I might need medical treatment (and of the extra expense that could involve).
I had been making some calls about it. So that was the prelude as I got up to lead decrees! And, I might add, the foot was still painful as I continued to stand and lead the service.
You have reminded us about putting our heart and fervor into our decrees and so I try to do that, especially when leading a service, which I think is a real honor and privilege.
We started our violet-flame decrees with 70.01. Ah, Saint Germain and those wondrous violet-flame decrees! As we gave the preamble I started to realize how beautifully crafted that decree is. I felt as if I was becoming one with that decree - that it was me and I was "in" it. It was rather like I was in an elevator that was moving between floors and as I stood there the words of the decree were all around me. I felt such love and gratitude for Saint Germain for giving us these beautiful decrees. Also I came to see how each word and phrase and sentence is so perfectly and technically constructed. I was in awe of it all!
Why, I have been giving decrees for years and felt ashamed that I had never seen the masterpiece that each decree is. It struck me so powerfully, Mother - every time we utter a fiat, give a decree, sit in a service or at our altar (wherever it may be), we should be remembering with profound gratitude and awe just what is this sacred and holy gift of the science of the spoken Word.
I also felt very close to my own Mighty I AM Presence right then, and all of a sudden I felt light descend and flash through my body, right down to my feet, and my foot suddenly stopped aching. I just "knew" it had been healed. (I might add that since then it has been perfectly fine.)
Since that day, Mother, I have been thinking very much about the whole situation. I realized that, oh yes, I loved my decrees, but somehow it was rather an intellectual love. I have my lists of where I ask God to direct those decrees, but up till that time I never really felt that my own Mighty I AM Presence and Holy Christ Self was indeed the greatest healer, the greatest power in the universe.
God has given us, each one, Himself individualized. And what do we do? We sit in a service and think about how hungry we are, how tired we are, how Joe Bloggs down the street is such a pain in the neck. Or else we expect something outside of ourselves to give us wholeness.
And I realized that I do that even with our beloved Ascended Masters. What can Saint Germain, El Morya, Mother Mary do for me? Even you, Mother! You can save the world - but me, poor me, I'm not ready yet!
Well, I think it's about time I became a Chela with a capital C. What can I do for Saint Germain and El Morya and Mother Mary? God in me can do all things. As our beloved Archangel Gabriel reminded us at the New Year's Class, "Thou the All; I the nothing."
I am so grateful we are giving calls on pride, Mother, because I think a lot of what is coming up in my world is pride - although, of course, it slinks around under various guises!
So the bottom line is that I have to wake up, become God right where I am - here and now and forever.
When I attended Winter Quarter of Summit University in 1986, I told you briefly that I had overcome bulimia, but I never told you the story of that victory. I would like to share it with you now.
I was bulimic for almost nine years. It started in 1976 at age sixteen when my sister told me that she had found a way to eat all you want and not gain weight.
Weight was a jugular issue for me because my father used to tell me that I was fatter than the broad side of a barn and that I was going to grow up and be the fat lady in the circus. The message I received from the most important man in my life was that I was grotesquely overweight. I believed him, although I was never nearly as fat as he suggested I was. I look back at pictures of me as a child and I was a little chunky but very solid and certainly not obese.
On the other side of the coin, I used food for nurturance. My mother was not affectionate and I was miserably lonely. Food was the substitute Mother Flame in my life. Although I wanted desperately to please my father (who was himself obese), I could not give up my "surrogate mother." I was a prime target for the bulimia entity because it allowed me to fulfill the dream of being thin and I didn't have to give up eating.
I was quickly eating enough for ten people every day by throwing up and shortly thereafter eating again. It was the most vicious cycle in my life. In one summer I went from 150 pounds to 108 pounds. I found that when I wanted to quit I was unable.
When I found the Teachings of the Ascended Masters in 1983, I was sure I would be able to stop the bulimia. But after nearly two years of decreeing faithfully, I was still bulimic. The cycle had slowed down a lot though - I was only eating enough for about two or three people.
Then one day - November 26, 1984, to be exact - I found the thirty-two pages of decrees by Mighty Victory in the yellow section of my decree book. That night I gave all thirty-two pages and the next day I felt a forcefield around me that was so strong it lasted the entire day. I got through the day without indulging in overeating and throwing up. That was the first day in almost nine years that I had not indulged in eating and purging. It was a great victory for me. I had often thought that if I could get through one day, I could get through the rest of my life.
I proceeded to give the Victory calls every day for the next two months. I remained free from bulimia. After six months I got accepted to the Summit University work/study program and remained on staff for the next four years, after which I went to school and then came back on staff.
Since my victory over bulimia, I have periodically given the Victory calls daily for anywhere from two weeks to two months at a time. My tie with Mighty Victory is very strong. With his support I have quickly accelerated on the Path, and he probably considers me one of his own.
One of the greatest things I experience when I am in a cycle of giving Victory's calls is a fiery, fierce determination, self-discipline and at the same time a saturation of wisdom and love (the golden pink glow-ray). Giving the calls to Mighty Victory feels like giving protection decrees, calls to the flame of Wisdom, devotional decrees and violet flame simultaneously. They're probably the most powerful and balanced decrees I've given.
I'm glad that I finally shared with you this story of my victory (which has truly been over many things). At this moment I am possessed with a great love for a great Master who has taken the time to personally attend to my victory.
Hail, legions of Victory! Hail, legions of Love!
Untold Benefits, Including Healing
Dear Ms. Elizabeth Clare Prophet,
I accidentally came across your book Forbidden Mysteries of Enoch. The title so attracted me that I decided to purchase it.
At the end I saw a write-up on The Science of the Spoken Word. I made up my mind to place an order for it. This order was miscarried, but I wasn't daunted. I requested a relation of mine to purchase the book for me and send it to me. Luckily I received it some months later. What amazed me was that in addition to the book I ordered, you kindly sent me another very valuable book, The Human Aura, which I did not know about.
I am using these two books with religious zeal and I am deriving untold benefits from them, especially that of healing. My thanks for you are more than words can tell. Suffice it to say that the gratitude of my heart is ever yours.
I wish I were resident in the United States to reap the full benefits of enrolling in Summit University and applying the principles demonstrated by the prophets, saints and adepts of the East and West. If your books are found in our bookshops, I will readily buy them and learn more about these Ascended Masters.
I am practicing daily the decrees and mantras contained in The Science of the Spoken Word and visualizing the thoughtforms.
I wish you and the Summit University all the best.
Billings Gazette - May 1, 1996
Rio officer gets prison for killing street children
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (AP) - In a decision hailed by human rights activists, a judge Tuesday sentenced a Rio state trooper to 309 years in prison for the murders of six street children.
A gasp rose in the courtroom as Judge Jose Geraldo Antonio read the term for Marcos Vinicius Emmanuel, one of eight people indicted for the murders of eight street kids on July 23, 1993.
Antonio cited the "cruel form" of the killings and the "defenseless victims" as justifying the severe sentence for the burly 29-year-old Emmanuel, who remained impassive in the courtroom Tuesday.
After an all-night trial, the jury of four men and three women took three hours to find Emmanuel guilty on six counts of homicide, five counts of attempted homicide, one count of assault and two of assault followed by death.
Defense lawyer Sandra Bossio said she had filed for a retrial and planned to appeal some of the charges.
The result was praised by human rights activists, who had billed the trial as a referendum on Brazil's commitment to protecting its poor and punishing police brutality.
"Clearly it's a big step in the right direction," said James Cavallaro, director of Human Rights Watch-Brazil. "The sentence certainly complies with the gravity of the crime."
The 309-year term is largely symbolic because the maximum allowable prison time is 30 years. And Emmanuel won't be going to jail any time soon. He was to return to the state police barracks to await a retrial, which Bossio said was routinely granted for sentences of 20 years and up.
In addition, as a first offender, Emmanuel could be eligible in two years for a sort of house arrest at the police barracks, and in seven he could be allowed out during daylight hours.
"It's absurd, but it's the law," said Humberto Espinola of the Justice Ministry's Human Rights Council.
The killings of the eight kids unsettled many Brazilians. Six were gunned down as they slept on a sidewalk in the shadow of Candelaria Cathedral in downtown Rio. Two were taken to the waterfront and executed.
Many Brazilians, fed up with rising urban crime, were openly sympathetic to the "elimination" of street kids, who are blamed for widespread theft. In many cases, shopkeepers in high-crime districts hire policemen to kill street kids - an estimated 2,000 to 3,000 children live on Rio's streets.
The Violet Flame Is Intense, Physical - a Melting Heat
The Easter conference this year was amazing! I have attended many conferences and it never ceases to amaze me how God and his magnificent servants - the Ascended Masters - keep on building with light upon light.
This conference made me realize the value of preparing for a dictation. On the last day of the conference, I had to do some work at the Ranch Office with the Accounting software, and therefore I could not find any space in any of the main sessions or the overflow areas. So I decided to go into the trailer where the violet-flame vigil was in progress. On the previous day, I had completed my six-hour violet-flame vigil, but I think the Masters wanted me to continue with this vigil that day.
As we continued to invoke the violet flame, it became intense and very physical, until I could feel the melting heat of the violet flame. I also began to feel a weariness and a part of me wanted to stop even as another part wanted to continue. However, I stayed on.
Just before Jesus' dictation, a cool light breeze that was in no way physical filled the room. It was the presence of Jesus, and it swept away the physical weariness. When Saint Germain gave his dictation, he seemed to fill my entire chest cavity. It made me realize that had I not spent the time invoking the violet flame, I would not have been as sensitive to his presence.
Something else occurred to me when you asked us to make calls during the service before one of the dictations. The thought went through my mind to invoke the weapons of the Hindu Trinity. So I called Lord Vishnu to hurl his divine discus (sudarshana-chakra) into the astral plane, and I continued with the call to Lord Shiva to hurl his trident (trishula), and to Brahma to hurl his primordial weapon (brahmastra). I felt an immediate lightening of the burden of negative energy that was upon us. I would be grateful if you could give us a teaching on how to invoke these weapons, as they seem to be very effective.
Beloved Mother, I am grateful for your presence and love and very grateful that we have a living Guru and Messenger in embodiment to help us find our way Home to God.
My First Novena to the Great Divine Director
In 1987 I was attending a Study Group and was introduced to the novena to the Great Divine Director, the Master R. So I gave my first novena to the Great Divine Director before I became a Keeper of the Flame.
As a result of that novena, I became a Keeper of the Flame. Though I never thought I would get married, fifteen months or so later, perhaps after I had given another novena to the Master R, I found myself married.
In the course of life there are many decisions you have to make. As it has been said, "Without vision the people perish." What works for me is a novena to the Great Divine Director. As a result of my dedication to his flame, the Great Divine Director has ever given me hope, vision and direction and the solutions to problems. He has shown me the way to make right decisions in my pursuit to do my duty (dharma) and pay every jot and tittle of the Law (karma). Perhaps this is largely due to the fact that I can create a strong mental focalization on the Great Divine Director and the things I ask for in my novenas to him.
A few times I thought I had a really bright idea of what I should do in life, which way I should go. So I gave my novena to the Great Divine Director for assistance: no result, only the sense that there would be hope after I finished my current cycle. Such direction has not always been to my liking, but I accepted it anyway. A few months or so later, it became clear that the direction given by the Master R was correct, that my "brilliant idea" was not that luminous at all.
On occasion, I have found myself in internal turmoil and distress, yes, even in emotional and psychological dire straits regarding the course of my life and the cycles I must not skip or miss. I have turned to the Great Divine Director. He has always given me hope, shown me the folly of my pride, helped me to overcome and conquer levels of hatred and anger and given me the direction I have asked for. With things great and small, the Great Divine Director has never failed me.
Mother, would you please add to the Pearls of Wisdom, in the Radiant Word section, Saint Germain's Pearl of Wisdom of August 10, 1975 (vol. 18, no. 32) in which he outlined the Great Divine Director novena?
Since 1975, a lot of new Keepers of the Flame have joined our happy throng. Some may not have heard about the novena to the Master R. Others, as they have told me, have heard of it but do not know the exact format. I know that the Great Divine Director will not fail a soul when he is addressed in all sincerity through this novena.
Life on the Front Lines in Bosnia
Dear Mark, Anna, Michael, Amy, Orion, Alita, Lotus, Mikaela, Abigail, Tara, Purity, Rosemary, Samora, Sara, Marley, Mr. Cole, and all our other friends at Thomas More School,
Thanks so much for writing! It sounds like Montana has been pretty cold. It also sounds like you have a small school. At least you know everybody in it. We don't get much mail at all and there just isn't any way to tell you how much it means to all of us to know that people in America like you are thinking about us.
It's dangerous here in Sarajevo; three Italians and two Portuguese soldiers died here from a land mine recently and an American soldier was shot in the neck. The HUMMWV (jeep-like truck) I ride in now has a bullet hole through the hood. So it really helps keep our spirits up knowing that you are thinking about us. Mail is slow, if it comes at all, and there are no long-distance phone lines working yet. We don't have TV here yet and since I like science fiction, I really miss watching The X Files and Star Trek. I like Friends, too. There is a lot going on here and you might like to see it on the news.
You had some questions and I'll do my best to answer them. My name is Steve Larsen, I'm a captain in the Army, and for the next year I will work and live in Sarajevo. This is primarily the French sector and the majority of the Americans (about 19,000) are mostly northeast in Tuzla. A brigade (1,500 soldiers) of Italians are working for the French securing Sarajevo. The French are focusing their efforts on Mostar, which is seeing some serious fighting between Croats and Muslims (I'll explain who they are later). Sarajevo is primarily occupied by British, Italian and Turkish soldiers but protected by the Italians of the "Carbinieri Brigade."
The situation in Bosnia is very complicated. There are three warring factions in Bosnia: the Bosniaks (Bosnian Muslims), the Serbs (Orthodox Catholic) and the Croats (Roman Catholic). They have been fighting periodically for hundreds of years. There are no easy solutions to the problems here. All sides are guilty of terrible crimes. And all sides have been victimized. Thousands of kids just like you have been killed here. Now NATO countries, including the U.S., are here to stop the fighting so that the people here can build a peace. We hope they can. So our country needs people with special skills and training like me to come here and help out.
Although I am a mechanized combat engineer by training and experience, I am currently assigned to the 4th Psychological Operations Group (Airborne). I grew up in Minnesota near the Mississippi River by Saint Paul. My Army unit and my home are in Fort Bragg, North Carolina.
Previously, I have been stationed in Germany with VII Corps before the Berlin Wall came down and then at Fort Riley, Kansas, with the First Infantry Division "Big Red One" as a mechanized combat engineer company commander. Combat engineers blow things up, which is really dangerous but a lot of fun. "Mechanized" means that we ride in armored personnel carriers, providing support to main battle tanks.
But a year ago, the Army decided I needed some more time in an airborne unit and some work over here in Europe since I speak fluent German and Russian. My bachelor of science degree in Civil Engineering comes in handy in areas that need much repair. These skills make me valuable to our Army during missions like peacemaking in Bosnia. The language spoken here, Serbo-Croatian, is a Slavic language very similar to Russian. Most of the words are almost exactly the same. People here understand me when I speak Russian and I understand most of their conversations, as long as we keep it simple and speak slowly. Many Croatians speak German, so if a Russian word isn't understandable, a German word might do the trick.
We came to Sarajevo two weeks before Christmas. There are no long-distance telephones working well in Sarajevo yet. Communication with friends and family is through the Army postal system only or sometimes through an Army satellite telephone system called DSN.
I can tell you that all of us really miss our families and friends. It is especially hard on soldiers who were deployed for six of the last ten Christmases (in Panama, Grenada, Haiti, Somalia, Saudi Arabia-Iraq and now Bosnia). We have soldiers here who have spent only one or two Christmases with their families. I really don't know why we keep getting deployed during the Christmas season, just unlucky I guess, and it sure hurts our morale. But knowing that sacrificing our Christmas will allow many Bosnians to have a future makes it all worthwhile.
Many of the people here are very thankful for us coming to Bosnia and give us kisses on the cheek. Especially the older people. The kids think we're cool because of all the American movies and TV they watch.
What we're doing here is simply this: separating the three warring parties so that peace can take hold and the Bosnians can stop their own civil war. Stopping the war will be difficult because there is so much hatred here. Many people want revenge, not peace. As I mentioned, the three warring factions are the Serbs, the Bosniaks and the Croatians. In Sarajevo it's mostly Serbs and Bosniaks. All parties have deep hatreds that go back for hundreds of years.
It is important to know that most Bosnians don't want war, that this war is caused by influential people who use their power and influence to try to gain more power by destroying those around them. They do this by inflaming ancient hatreds. These leaders are evil. Hundreds of thousands of people have died here over the past four years, many of them your age. We see the graves of children by the hundreds every day.
At a cemetery near where we live, a Muslim boy showed me the grave of his fifteen-year-old brother, who was shot in the head by a sniper while he was returning home with some much-needed water. It was really sad seeing how much he missed his brother and how painful it was for him knowing that his brother died so brutally. This same cemetery scene happens every day with people from all sides.
Whole towns are laid waste and are completely abandoned. We are astonished at the complete and systematic destruction caused by the warring factions. Armed military gangs gutted towns so thoroughly that they even removed the door jambs and window frames before they burned all of the homes.
Forty percent of Bosnia is covered with land mines. Removing mines takes much longer than emplacing them and it's infinitely more dangerous. There are so many mines here that if one thousand people were locating and removing mines 24 hours per day, it would take thirty-five years to remove all of them. Because food was scarce during the war, people grew all of their own food in gardens at home. To protect the gardens, people removed land mines from nearby minefields and placed them around their family gardens. Every day children are maimed and killed playing at home because of these mines.
Since it is always possible that some party or person may choose to attack us, we practice the tightest security that I have experienced in ten years of Army service. Whenever we travel, we are very heavily armed, wear heavy protective clothing, including armored vests, and drive very offensively. We take no crap. Despite our warlike posture, all the warring factions have been very receptive to Americans because we've never fought here, bring no political or historical "baggage," and treat all sides evenhandedly - and we will shoot their lips off if they try anything against us, and they know it.
At the beginning of the operation last December, I was working in Stuttgart, Germany, preparing to print a newspaper for IFOR, the peace implementation forces here from NATO. Our newspaper is designed to provide information to the Bosnians regarding what IFOR is doing and why. Our newspaper is called The Herald of Peace, or Vesnik Mira in Serbo-Croatian. We have found that by keeping people informed, there is much less risk of misunderstandings, which can cause tragic incidents that both the civilians and the military will regret.
Late one night, the boss told me to pack and get on a courier flight to Sarajevo via Tuzla. The flight was aboard a C-130 military cargo plane. I rode in the cockpit against the rear bulkhead on a bench. The entire cockpit was lined with Kevlar bulletproof armor. We wore armored vests and helmets during the flight to prevent any injury from what we call "indisciplined small-arms fires" while landing. It seems that the people here like to fire their weapons in the air during celebrations, a very dangerous practice. The landing itself is very steep, what the flight crew calls a "slam-dunk." This landing technique limits our exposure to enemy fire while landing.
I was picked up at the airport by fellow troops who had arrived earlier and was driven through Sarajevo to Zetra Olympic Stadium, where we live and used to work. Sadly, the stadium, like Sarajevo itself, is completely gutted. For many months, Zetra housed refugees, was bombed repeatedly with mortars and artillery fire, and is now burned out.
Sarajevo looks worse than any photo of World War II destruction I have seen. We call Sarajevo "Hiroshima West." I have no idea how people could live here without shelter from the cold, no water or electricity, no traveling for fear of getting shot (and many did get shot) and very little food. People ate mostly cabbage - at every meal, every day for four years. There is only electricity in the town center, no water, no sewage, no trash service, little public transportation (occasional trolleys, called trams, and busses) and no gas service (no heat).
The suburbs we drove through were filled with rubbled homes. The roads are pockmarked from impacts. Cars are burned, gutted shells crushed against the buildings. Every intact building is fortified. Every first floor is bunkered. All standing walls have artillery holes and shrapnel scars. You can count the number of intact windows in the whole city on one hand. You can identify the buildings people live in by the plastic sheeting on a window or two. All road intersections are bunkered. Zetra Stadium is ruined.
To make the best possible shelter from the winter cold for us, we use everything available. The three-tiered podium where the Olympic champions stood and received their medals now holds up reinforcement for the heavily damaged roof. It is hard to imagine that American skater Scott Hamilton won an Olympic Gold on the arena floor where we eat.
On a very positive note, the food is provided by NATO, prepared by the British Army and is the best food I have ever eaten in the Army. We are all worried about getting fat. We look forward to each meal and I have never been so satisfied eating Army chow. I particularly like eating the meats and sausages. Really yummy stuff. The British will be moving out soon and a Turkish army field kitchen will take over. I can't even imagine what we'll be eating then. I suppose if it's inedible, I can always sit out on the road holding a sign that reads: "Will command for food."
Our troops sleep with the British troops in the Olympic rifle range, which is shellproof. There is no heat in Zetra Stadium. We sleep wherever we can find space. Our living conditions are improving daily. We were missing a wall in the first room we lived in (it was blown away) and replaced it with a wall made of sandbags. It leaked very badly, so now I stay in the basement, next to the showers, and, most importantly, next to the toilets. Since we don't have running water, we have to bring water in a bucket to the toilet with us and pour it in to flush the contents. Going to the bathroom in a room that stays about 35 degrees is no fun.
The room I sleep in is warm and secure but damp and small. We've got four officers sleeping in a room that's 18 feet by 6 feet. It was starting to smell like a locker room until we found a small electric heater that knocks the moisture out of the air.
Conditions for the enlisted soldiers are about the same. Outside the basement sleeping rooms it's cold at night, but not too bad. We brought all of our "snivel gear" and are staying warm. We set up our military support equipment, which gives us hot showers, a warm place to sleep and good lighting. We have bottled water and plenty of MREs also. MRE is short for "Meal Ready to Eat." They are the brown meal packets we use as field rations. They taste bland, but they're edible and pack 3,000 calories per packet.
I work in Psychological Operations, or Psyop, as we call it. It is designed to influence the attitudes and behaviors of specific target audiences. We do that by providing truthful information about who IFOR is and what we are doing. It is not propaganda. Propaganda achieves similar results through exaggeration and lies. To ease people's minds, we call ourselves IFOR Information Campaign rather than Psyops. It seems that people think of Joseph Goebbels and Nazi propaganda when you mention Psyops. And that's not what we do.
I'm no longer working on the newspaper since that is now produced in Zagreb, Croatia, where the printer is. My new job is to start a TV station. And, as you can imagine, that's a tough one for me. The learning curve is steep. But we have the best people here, so it should work out just fine.
I talk with some Bosniak and Serb kids often. Some speak pretty decent English. Two of the boys showed me healed bullet entrance and exit holes in their legs. The exit holes were really big. Since there was little medication and no anesthetic (painkiller) here, these kids must have suffered terribly. And judging by the number of freshly dug graves, they are lucky to be alive.
During the war with Iraq, I was at Fort Knox learning to be a tank company commander. A tank company has fourteen M1A1 Abrams main battle tanks. Although I am a combat engineer, we expected heavy losses in Iraq and there was a possibility that I would be needed to command a tank company instead of an engineer company. It is not unusual for engineers to be trained as infantry or armor leaders. The Army feels that even if we return to engineer units, as I did, our understanding of infantry or armor tactics will be very useful since armor and infantry don't go anywhere without engineers.
Since the Army is downsizing, many of us are working in fields of expertise other than our basic military occupational specialty. The mission of the Army has not changed and we are now required to do more with less people. This requires the Army to have officers who are skilled in two or more jobs. So after a whole lot of schooling, I am skilled in engineer operations, armor operations and psychological warfare operations. That means the Army can put me in many different positions. This helps make me more valuable as an officer. I look forward to many years of future service to the Army and our country in the hope that because our Army is so good, we won't have to use it in war too often.
Sadly, we are continuing to document events in a Sarajevan subdivision (near the airport) called Dobrinja (Doe-breen-yuh), scene of extremely heavy urban warfare for the entire four-year war. Dobrinja is further divided into smaller sections and the entire area is under contention by Serb and Muslim residents and authorities. Conditions there are beyond description, but I'll do my best.
The area was the Olympic Village, an area of large concrete apartment buildings built as a showcase of Yugoslavia. When the war began, certain apartment blocks were occupied exclusively by Serbs or Muslims and the fighting lines were established literally between apartment buildings, which made these apartment buildings the front lines. And, if you can imagine, the original families living in the apartment buildings were trapped there because the fighting erupted so quickly. The adults felt compelled to defend their very homes and families; the children brought ammunition forward under fire and carried messages between buildings.
To protect the child messengers, the people dug elaborate subterranean tunnels from building to building. Sometimes the tunnels of opposing sides intersected each other, and brutal fighting erupted below ground. Meanwhile, above ground, tank and artillery duels lasted as long as the ammunition held out. All grassed areas were and still are heavily mined. Every first floor became a labyrinth of bunkers, also heavily mined and booby-trapped.
Now the whole area is completely devastated. The buildings appear as concrete skeletons devoid of glass. Many are devoid of walls. Yet these buildings are still occupied by these warrior families. The people act very strangely. They were cut off from everything for four years, lived like animals below ground and had little food, heat or electricity, if any at all. They lived only to survive and fight. The children now play outside but only on the safe asphalt or concrete to avoid mines. When we travel through the area, the children point toward the grassed areas and yell "Mina!" warning us of the mine threat. Worst of all are the human bones lying all over the grassed areas and at the bottoms of exposed tunnels which have now collapsed.
Our work in Dobrinja puts us in constant contact with people who are highly skilled, conditioned killers. Despite the children playing and the widespread belief that these people were defending their homes and families, we are not blind to the fact that many are ready to continue killing for vengeance' sake. There is much hatred here.
The work that we are doing in Dobrinja is vital and will have long-lasting positive effects, but I must admit that it is very depressing and we are now limiting the amount of time we work in the area each day to prevent any psychological or spiritual harm to ourselves. It is very clear that it will take years to repair the damage here. We expect that more than one generation will pass before the hate subsides and these people can live together in some sort of distanced tolerance.
We have much to be thankful for in America. But there is the danger that ethnic hatreds could grow beyond our control. Hate, like a cancer, has thoroughly consumed the people of the former Yugoslavia. We must always guard against hate. Let what has happened here be a lesson to those who think that political ideologies based upon hate could never survive in the modern world. They do survive and are being nurtured here in Bosnia every hour of every day.
As you hug your children, think about Bosnia. As you drive down the street where you live, think about Bosnia. When you share some act of kindness with a total stranger, think of Bosnia. As you attend Sacrament meeting and gain strength through the fellowship of the Church, think of Bosnia.
If you want to write again, and I hope that you do, or have more questions, you can reach me at: Captain Stephen C. Larsen, IFOR Information Campaign, Sarajevo, Operation Joint Endeavor, APO AE 09780. Take care and write soon - your letters are important. And thanks again.