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A GLOBAL CONFERENCE DEDICATED TO
We March!Hail, Keepers of the Flame of the Holy Spirit!
I AM come in the midst of sacred fire descending.
And I come wearing the mantle of Uncle Sam -
For I am yet your Uncle Sam in the land!
Legions of the Seventh Ray accompany me, including those who have newly taken the ascension, for there were numbers of ascensions on May 1. These newly ascended Masters come out of earth's schoolroom accompanied by angels of the Seventh Ray who attend them.
There are legions of Light who gather, beloved, in the celebration of freedom in the earth - freedom in the hearts of those whose hearts can contain that freedom, whose hearts provide a chalice of crystal-fire amethyst for that freedom to increase and increase and increase!
Now the hour is turning. Now we move on to new dimensions. Now we face the challenge of returning karma as marked in the signs of the megaconjunction of January 11.0
So know, beloved ones, that we are determined to stand fast, along with a great influx of hosts of the Seventh Ray sent by Omri-Tas, mind you, sent by the Ruler of the Violet Planet from among his very own constituents who have so pleaded and so determined to come that they themselves have fulfilled many initiations in order to receive that accord.1 And so, beloved Omri-Tas has relented and they have come and their number is, beloved, 144,000. Receive them now! [44-second standing ovation]
By all means, fasten yourselves to them as they would be fastened to you. They have come because they embody the Spirit of Freedom and the Spirit of America and the Spirit of the Goddess of Freedom, who has also come from that planet in a great descent of Light.
Yes, beloved hearts, they come, for they are determined to see the four sacred freedoms enshrined in every heart - to see to it that freedom of religion shall not be lost nor freedom of speech nor freedom of the press nor freedom to assemble. The people must liberate themselves by their championing of the four sacred freedoms, which are yet denied in many parts of the earth.
And therefore look to the flame. Look to keeping a chalice, preferably of amethyst or amethyst color,2 wherever you have your altar or wherever you work, on or near your desk, and consecrate that chalice to the violet flame. Call forth the violet flame and make use of these reinforcements of the hosts of the Seventh Ray now!
These are legions of Light who carry swords of violet flame. They have been involved with earth's evolutions and those of other solar systems for the defense of liberty, for the defense of the right of individual conscience and the right to be - to be on a path of one's choosing, whatever that path might be, spiritual, intellectual or material. So, beloved, these legions of Light could no longer stand by and watch the burden that becomes greater and greater, person by person, of those who are affiliated with this Community of the Holy Spirit.
Thus, beloved, know that there is a multiplication factor within your heart and within their hearts. And so make use of these hosts and their momentum, these ascended ones and these legions from the Violet Planet who have joined you. Include them in your calls for world freedom and know that now your decrees to the violet flame shall be multiplied many times over by the power of ten squared, beloved.
So know that this increase is for the transmutation of world totalitarian movements, world tyranny and tyrants, for the binding of the tyrant-ego dweller-on-the-threshold, for the binding of all forces that are the misuse of Divine Justice, even the perversion of Gevurah (Din)3 of the Tree of Life. So know, beloved, that this Evil in the earth that has been the result of the shattering of certain sefirot must be consumed now by your calls to the sacred fire.
Therefore, let none be without a pictorial mandala of that Tree of Life, nor without the understanding of that Tree of Life which comes by the studying of the teachings of the Kabbalah given by the Messenger4 and the accompanying books written by Kabbalists.5 For as you climb that Tree of Life, stair by stair you shall be internalizing the great T'ai Chi, the great sphere of Light that is the uppermost of the ten sefirot.
I bid you understand that your life is surely the climbing of the ladder of the Tree of Life, which is and was Jacob's ladder.6 So understand that that ladder restores the totality of being unto the image and likeness of God in Tiferet [the Son], in Keter [the I AM THAT I AM].7
Yes, beloved, that is the path of the ascension through the Son and the Father, and you who choose to see it in this manner will derive profound insight from your meditation on the Tree of Life as set forth by Abraham. And that insight is akin to that given by one who held the Chohanship of the Seventh Ray before I did, the beloved Kuan Yin. The Lady Goddess Avalokiteasvara/Kuan Yin will teach you much about the points of mercy - mercy by mercy by mercy. Mercy that is given and returned: this is the true road to completeness and wholeness.
I, Saint Germain, then, as Samuel the prophet, now known as Uncle Sam because of that embodiment, have come in the earth. I have tarried in quasi retirement at this ranch, but I will tell you now that now is the hour when by dispensation I shall determine to be one with every Keeper of the Flame who is one with those legions who have come today and those lifewaves assigned to earth from the Violet Planet. I must have at least one Keeper of the Flame who will keep the vigil for my presence in your city, your town, and I shall be there.
And my great desire is to return to the nation's capital,8 for it is high time, beloved, that my presence be restored there. I send gratitude to all in the earth who have given the decrees whereby I might return, as you might say, "in the nick of time" in this megaconjunction. For as we are in the penumbra, I, Saint Germain, shall once more cast my shadow of Light upon that Capitol building and that White House. And we the Keepers of the Flame in the earth shall see what we can do for this nation under God!
[34-second standing ovation. Congregation gives the salutation:]
Hail, Saint Germain! Hail, Saint Germain! Hail, Saint Germain!
Hail, Saint Germain! Hail, Saint Germain! Hail, Saint Germain!
Hail, Saint Germain! Hail, Saint Germain! Hail, Saint Germain!
I do humbly bow to the Light burning upon the altar of your heart. Therefore be seated.
Remember I have said, "One, at least one, must give himself to be the anchor point for my presence." This is the requirement of the Lords of Karma, and so it is in line with the Guru-chela relationship. As I come the Ascended Master, I form with you, the unascended disciple, a complete circle. It is a circle of protection for you and an anchor point for that which I would give your city, your town through you.
Now then, beloved, we have accepted many to study at Summit University this summer. In fact, there are record numbers who have applied and who have been accepted, and for this I am profoundly grateful.
And I have accepted a number who have applied to receive ministerial training. For this is a time, beloved, when those who can deliver the message of the Ascended Masters, those who can speak before the public on any subject that is vital, whether to Church or State or to their own profession or life's calling, must come to the fore and use their talents to spread abroad the word of the Mighty I AM Presence.
This is the hour, beloved, to develop excellence in the use of the spoken word. This you can definitely learn to do through the mantra of Manjushri,9 but you must also take those courses that will sharpen the pen, sharpen the mind and the sword that divides the way between the Real and the Unreal.
Yes, beloved, I desire to graduate from Summit University those individuals who can bear the mantle of minister of the Church as well as the mantle of the Seventh Ray. And you who are ministerial candidates must understand that you must master yourselves and your psychology before climbing higher to pass the initiations required to enter the priesthood of the Order of Melchizedek,10 which in the Aquarian age is for men and women alike.
Yes, beloved, let the High Priest of Atlantis inaugurate a return of the ancient priesthoods to the planet. Let the adepts out of the retreat of Lord Zadkiel and Holy Amethyst, including the masterful angels, be counted among those who will also come to train you.
I tell you, beloved hearts, we will see graduate from among your numbers in this year and years to come students who have been a part of this organization for five, ten, fifteen, twenty and twenty-five years. It is time, then, that that mantle were upon your shoulders and that you might go forth as credible witnesses unto the Light of your own I AM Presence, unto the God who dwells with and in you that you might rekindle the flames of those who have lost them.
Now then, beloved, the training we give is an accelerated and concentrated training. It is the preparing of the heart, above all. For unless there be the merciful heart and the heart of true justice that is not harsh, where, then, will be the victory of the Tree of Life?
To those of you who express your hardness of heart in your nonforgiveness and nonmercy, I say, understand that you must root out this hardness and that I, Saint Germain, with Portia, will assist you! I will help you and I will help you in this way: I will help you to increase the threefold flame of Liberty, that flame within your heart which is also called the Holy Christ Flame, so that by the increase of that flame you will know wisdom's love and the will of God that is also love.
You will know that love and you will be so saturated with that love that you will feel the magnanimous heart of your own Lanello and your own Holy Christ Self. And in that magnanimity of heart, you will not be a sourpuss and withhold the gentle, comforting word of forgiveness or upliftment.
If you come to the altar and you are not able to forgive this one or that one, if you come to the altar retaining the sting of criticism or condemnation or judgment that you have suffered from another or that you have put on another, I say, you are not able to take the first step on the Path.
And you know, for it has been said before, that the first public miracle wrought by Jesus Christ was the changing of the water into wine at the wedding feast in Cana of Galilee.11 Not only did this act ratify the human institution of marriage as the mirror image of twin flames and soul mates but it signified that in order to enter into the Path to be the disciple of Jesus Christ or any Ascended Master you must present yourself unto the Lord and unto the Holy Spirit that you might receive that touch whereby the water of the human consciousness is changed into the wine of the Spirit. And the wine of the Holy Spirit will then flow through your bloodstream - the wine of the Holy Spirit, which is mercy, compassion, enlightenment and the just and true and righteous judgments of our God.
Let all you who cannot forgive know that you have come to a halt on your path. Begin, then, by forgiving your God and forgiving your inner self. Accept the forgiveness that God gives to you by extending mercy to your inner child and by bringing all segments of your psyche into oneness through the everlasting love of the living Jesus Christ, your Saviour.
May you begin, or renew, your self-discipline on the Path here in the Heart of the Inner Retreat and know that with all the teaching you have and all that you can offer in dynamic decrees, you ought to quickly come to the place where you can receive the mantle of the Holy Spirit, you ought to quickly know the mantle that descended upon Elisha when Elijah ascended into the heavens.12 Surely, beloved, you must know the advantage of claiming your own ascension mantle fifty years before you should ever pass through that initiation.
Wield, then, the sword and the mantle of the Spirit of your own God-free being and know that it is the little things, the seemingly insignificant things, that you neglect which cost you even the burnished armour of Archangel Michael, even the brilliant armour of the seraphim.
Therefore attend to the details of the mind and the heart. Attend to the very minor dishonesties you practice within yourself or with others. Attend to those areas, for if you look at yourself objectively, you will find this or that remnant of selfishness or greed or desires inordinate.
Pluck these things from you for the greater cause of world freedom, for the greater cause of saving the nations. Yes, America needs to be saved at every level! Yes, the people need to be saved! And this economy must receive a renewal by the action of the sacred fire for the purging of those who abuse the power and misuse the money that is the people's.
I come, then, with a fierceness and with a determination in the face of the persecution of this Church, and I come to see the end of the persecution of all dear followers of God. I come because I am grateful and I extend the great love and comfort of my heart to all Lightbearers upon earth, no matter what their religion, no matter where they are on the spiritual path, whether they know about the Ascended Masters or know nothing of us.
Blessed hearts, there are those who are the salt of the earth and they are sprinkled everywhere among all races and peoples, all levels of society and every age group. Yes, beloved, you can never say this or that people is not of God, for humanity as a whole has the sprinkling of the Christed ones everywhere.
Their hearts are opened. They are waiting. They extend their empty cups, for they know that it is the hour when the Lord Jesus Christ liveth in all and he shall come to them and quicken them. It does not matter by what name God is known to them as long as the God of Love has filled their hearts and they embrace that God of Love and become that God in action.
However, in order to accelerate on the Path to the place of that divine union, they need a certain teaching, a certain understanding. I pray you will pray for them daily and that as a matter of course you will never pray for yourself alone or only for the immediate few in your family; for you have been taught, beloved, and so follow that instruction, that one call unto God can be as effective for all humanity as it is for yourself or loved ones. And this is made possible by the multiplication factor of the Cosmic Christ that is perpetually multiplying the call by the power of the ten thousand-times-ten thousand.13
You remember that I have called you to make a call every hour on the hour - a simple call in the name of Sanat Kumara to assign the angels and legions of Light and hosts of the LORD to go forth for the binding of Evil in the earth.14 Well, beloved ones, the Messenger has programmed a computer to beep every hour on the hour. I suggest you do the same, for when you hear that little beep you can give a fiat of thirty seconds or a minute. And in the time it takes you to make that fiat, you can go through your lists and you can empower millions of angels as you send them to deal with areas of crisis throughout the globe.
And now legions of angels and cadres who serve with Archangel Zadkiel have come to assist in the cosmic purpose of generating accelerated levels of transmutation in this organization, having the goal of total liberation for every soul and total expansion of this Teaching throughout the earth, which you have prayed for for many a year.
And Omri-Tas has responded and does continue to respond. Beloved ones, the legions of his planet are not surprised and not amazed that so many Lightbearers of the earth have kept such a steady vigil on these Omri-Tas' days and have even doubled those days in coordination with the planetary time zones,15 for they know the extraordinary benefits of the violet flame.
Yes, beloved, it is an hour when heaven is gratified and when servants of God in the earth receive a reward.16 And in that reward you know a new mantle and you can look at yourself and you can say: "Saint Germain has recognized my effort. And therefore because he is pleased I will redouble my effort and I will multiply it tenfold."
Well, beloved ones, my beloved Portia is so profoundly grateful to you, each one, this day that she comes to you with her angels now, angels of blessed Justice, bringing you flowers and placing upon your foreheads that kiss of the Divine Mother of Justice. As Portia is co-hierarch with me of the Aquarian age, so receive her now, beloved ones, and I ask you also to sing to her ere I conclude this dictation. [18-second standing ovation]
[The Messenger: Let us sing number 422. First I ask you to give your fiats to the Ascended Lady Master Portia for Divine Justice to reign on earth.]
Goddess of Justice, for your holy Presence
Grateful to God do we bow
Beautiful, gracious, Love's balance you're holding
Loved ones on earth bless you now!
Refrain: Our love to you, friend of the ages so true
To the great source of all Life are we grateful
Goddess of Justice, for you!
Yours is the glory in ev'ry heart anchored
Through each one's own threefold flame
Making things right by impersonal service
Offered to life in God's name!
Queen of our hearts and enthroned there forever
Heart flame of Freedom divine
Hold our flame steady, depart from us never
Free all our earth for all time!
Now let your legions of justice that hover
Ever around your dear throne
Sweep now to earth and prepare for your coming
Make our dear planet your home.
Now then, beloved, I address once again the subject of the karma of the nations as they have allowed the genocide, the "ethnic cleansing," in Bosnia-Herzegovina. I speak to you and I say, there is a way out - there is indeed a way out. But to leave those who are helpless before those who are armed, and armed to the hilt, to allow suffering and death, destruction and holocaust to come upon them is not the way of the path of freedom in the earth.
You may say in your heart: "Well, it is these people's karma. They must deserve it. We will turn our backs." Blessed ones, from the time of Noah human governments were established to defend human life.17 Life must be defended at every level, even if that life has committed crimes.
Who among you has not at one time or another committed a crime against this one or that one, be it gossip or vilification, unkindness or an absence of love?
Therefore, beloved, let us not measure crimes by degrees and then suddenly say, "Those who have committed ultimate crimes are not worthy of opportunity!"
The name of the Goddess of Justice is Opportunity! She is also called the Goddess of Justice and Justice itself. So therefore justice is opportunity.
Divine Justice, then, must be afforded everyone. And whether or not victims of their own karma should be left to themselves has been a topic of discussion among some who do not understand the mercy of the Law. If there are those who have done evil, it is an opportunity for those who have not done evil to care for them, to nurture them and to bring them back to the sanity of their own Christ Mind.
Yes, beloved, if one has had an accident on the highway, you do not assess whether that one is good enough to deserve your help. There is a basic law of humanitarianism that states that where a life has been violated that life must be cared for and protected. And for that reason, your beloved El Morya has established among you the Order of the Good Samaritan.18
Members of this order have taken courses in first aid, CPR and foot reflexology and therefore are able to do something, rather than nothing, at the scene of an accident. Many of you have volunteered for this service and you carry membership cards in your wallets indicating your affiliation with the Order of the Good Samaritan.
So know, beloved hearts, that the denial of arms to those who are the victims of those bearing arms is a stain upon all nations who have refrained from taking the necessary steps so that the people being victimized in Bosnia might at least defend themselves and so that the war might ultimately be stopped. Thus I say, no more, beloved! But I say: Judgment! Judgment, descend! upon those individuals nation by nation who have refused to challenge those who are slaughtering their own countrymen!
These things ought not to be. And this is what does perpetuate wars in the earth and negative karma and negative momentums and nonforgiveness, which becomes a string of vendettas down the centuries whereby people cannot and do not love again, for they are deeply marred and they will to so remain.
I say, those who would heal the earth must be concerned with the healing of those who have been so wronged by the powers that be. They must also be concerned with the calling forth of the judgment of the Holy Spirit pronounced by the Lord Maha Chohan.19 For that judgment, beloved hearts, is for the binding of the dweller-on-the-threshold of evildoers in the earth who persecute and torment the helpless.
I say, no more! But if the government of this nation does not act and does take as the excuse that all Western nations and allies and members of the UN must act together, then I say, let Keepers of the Flame act and let them act in consort for the giving of the calls whereby those who are the evildoers are bound by the hosts of the LORD. For angels of Light are real and we do descend with the Archangels for the binding of those evildoers in the earth who have their day because none of the good people do stop them.
Take up your causes, beloved ones! Consider them carefully. Determine that you shall champion those causes in which you can be effective and then go after them and see them through. Then determine those causes that you are not able to effectively champion at your level. Go after these at the altar of God and you will see how the angels will come through and will answer your calls and how they will work change. And they will protect those who occupy positions of power and influence so that they might rise up in the name of the people to do something about the many injustices in the earth.
I will tell you, beloved, the worst crimes committed on the planet are crimes of injustice against the souls of the people, against the bodies of the people, against the minds of the people - and against the children. Crimes of injustice, beloved, are taking this planet backwards in some areas to more and more primitive states of consciousness as people deny the enlightenment of the Holy Spirit and are willing to live within the walls of their own ignorance. And in their ignorance they allow their anger to overtake them; and therefore they become instruments of violent crimes, even children against children in gang warfares.
These things ought not to be! And I, Saint Germain, tell you, one and all, that you have the power of God within you to stop them if you will use each free moment to make a fiat to the Lord God Almighty to stop the atrocities that are now happening in the schoolrooms of America, in the streets of America and in the homes of America.
You can stop these things! You can call for the judgment of those who continue to defy decency and who will put on the television screen such violence, beloved hearts, as to literally destroy the very integrity and unity of the souls of little children who are left home as victims of the TV set while their parents must work. These things ought not to be!
I remind you that the Messenger has declared the Fourth of July to be the Freedom of the Child Day. Let us champion the freedom of the child and let us keep on top of those who portray this violence before the innocent minds of children and then have the audacity to say that there are no statistics that can prove that violence on TV is increasing crime in America.
Well, I, Saint Germain, will tell you that we have the ultimate statistics in heaven and we know that images of crime produce crime! And not only that, but crime and violence on TV can be the root cause of the destruction of the soul and the inner being and the inner conscience of people of all ages who are impressionable. And therefore, children are molded by fiction that elevates evildoers to the role of heroes and brings them to the misuse of the sacred fire at an early age. These things ought not to be!
I say, put at least 50 percent of your energy into prayer power on these things and another 50 percent into learning how to write and speak out against these conditions. And do not feel that you must join this or that organization that rejects those who are on the path of the Ascended Masters, but be free to speak out, beloved ones, wherever anyone will hear you, on all matters of conscience and legislation that are facing this nation.
Get involved, beloved ones! Get your health in order! Be able to be there in the vigil of the Goddess of Liberty. For I tell you, we have brought the reinforcements, we have brought the waves of Light, we have brought the dispensation from Jesus Christ, who says, "I desire many to hold the office of ministering servant in this organization."
Therefore, get that training and go out two by two, for the Ascended Masters must be represented around the world and you must take up your calling in the footsteps of your Messenger, who has been globe-trotting for the past thirty years. Now take your turn, beloved hearts! Be here and there and everywhere, and let your message be heard. For the hour is come and now is when millions among the people of earth will accept the true teachings of Jesus Christ and Gautama Buddha, much of which has been lost. [29-second standing ovation]
I would tell you, then, that this organization is dear to the hearts of the members of the Darjeeling Council. We have given from our Causal Bodies for its inception, its founding and all of the years of testing and trial that have been upon the Messengers and the staff.
This is the cradle in which we place the Manchild, the Universal Christ consciousness. Thus we appeal to you to know in this hour of challenge, even as you see the organization rise, that it is imperative that resolution be made with the government and that you understand that we must have this victory in the IRS case and move on.20
Blessed ones, the Lord Jesus Christ did say, "Render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar's and unto God the things that are God's."21 While you are in the earth you must pay your taxes, whatever they are and whatever is due. Be prepared to do that. Do not allow this Church to be left alone without recourse, without the ability to meet whatever monetary challenge will come along as a result of these investigations.
You can say of many, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."22 You can also call for the purging Light to penetrate all situations pertaining to this matter. Yet ultimately, beloved, you still abide in the world, where the seed of Satan are the princes in the earth and the children of the Light have not yet come to that age of Christhood where they can once again challenge these fallen angels and declare and know and be that presence that says: The earth is the LORD's and the fullness thereof, the world and they that dwell therein!23
Yes, beloved, we are in the process of a great battle whereby we are returning this earth to the LORD God. And yet many levels of earth, even in the physical plane, border and overlap the levels of Death and Hell and the astral plane. There are dark places in the earth and there are places of great light almost touching the very robes of heaven. So earth has a wide span of states of consciousness. You must make your way through these steps and stages. What is most important of all, beloved, is the preservation of this Communion cup - this chalice and this bread.
May you, then, be as one flaming torch in the hand of the Goddess of Liberty. May you be the flame petals of that torch and may you be rooted firmly in the ground, securing this Place Prepared that has been readied by the Lord Christ for two thousand years.
Secure, then, your hearts and minds. Secure this place and take a look at the economy of your funds. Set aside those funds for when you will be called upon to go here and there. Set them aside for the day when - God forbid, and yet consider the possibility - a considerable amount may be due to the IRS.
These things concern the Darjeeling Council. Some do not understand that we work in the physical domain. We deal with practicalities. We deal with the coin of the realm. We deal with crises as they come up. We deal with those crises simultaneously as you yourselves are confronted by them. And many of you have acknowledged our helping hand in the organization of your businesses and in the opportunities that have come your way to receive training for better-paying jobs.
We walk in the streets with the people of the earth. We are not far removed. We are not beyond the clouds playing on our harps. We have no more time to play on our harps than you have time to play on your harps, beloved ones! [10-second applause]
This organization is ordained by the Darjeeling Council and by Almighty God to fulfill a certain purpose. And fulfill that purpose it shall, so long as men and women and children recognize what this chalice is, what this ark is, what this cradle is and what it means to so many who are not here today, not here because they were turned away by the press, by the media, by the so-called anti-cult groups.
Therefore, my gratitude to all who have come forward to defend the integrity and the image of this Church, you who have gathered to study what we do and how we do it and who we are.24 We are grateful! Let the experts from every nation in the earth come forward, for I tell you the reporters have been here, they have told their tales and they should hang their tails in shame!
Let there be a restructuring, let there be a streamlining on this staff and throughout the field. And let there be those assignments and projects that concretely lead to the writing and publishing of the Teachings, that which is most pertinent to the very existence of Community and the education of children.
Let us trim the fat and not engage in any projects whatsoever that do not immediately lead to the practical dissemination of this Teaching or of the profile of this Community. Let there be a reordering in all departments and let the Community come together. And let there be one-pointed direction and let the priorities be established. For I, Saint Germain, have lined up the advisers at inner levels who will overshadow you. You have but to organize yourselves according to the superior business methods being practiced in this decade of the nineties.
I say with Morya, we march! We march across the planet and we shall have our day and see our day ere this decade is over. Time is short to accomplish many things. Let it be done by hearts who are eager, eager to fulfill their fiery destiny and to give to an entire world that which God has placed upon their hearts.
I sign off now and I seal you in the greatest joy, determination and victory consciousness that you have ever known. For the Seventh Ray legions of Light are here this day because of you and many like you.
This dictation by Saint Germain was delivered by the Messenger, Elizabeth Clare Prophet, on Sunday, July 4, 1993, during the ten-day conference FREEDOM 1993: "Healing the Earth." Before the dictation, the Messenger delivered her lecture "Meeting the Challenge of World Karma on the Cusp of the Twenty-First Century - Seven Planets in Capricorn, January 11, 1994: Turning Challenge into Opportunity." This lecture has been published in the 1993 Pearls of Wisdom (vol. 36 no. 43, pp. 579-97) and is also available on audiocassette: 54 min., A93102. Saint Germain's dictation is available on audiocassette with the Goddess of Liberty's dictation, which followed: total 1 hr. 30 min., B93103. [N.B. This dictation was edited for print by the Messenger under Saint Germain's direction.]
Several times during my nearly fifteen years on your staff, I have considered writing you to witness to the many miracles I have experienced as a result of my involvement with the Teachings of the Ascended Masters and your ministry. Reflecting on the joys, the challenges and the incredible rewards of staff life, I realized that I have an obligation to bear witness to the many blessings I have received - just in the course of daily service - and to encourage others to consider staff service as a magnificent opportunity to transform their lives.
El Morya has said that no man knows his own measure. We have no idea of the levels of our own karma, nor do we see what calamities the Masters have saved us from. If we knew, we would surely fall on our knees in remorse and humility and beg for the opportunity to serve longer and harder in order to repay our debt to God.
The reason I am writing is that I believe I have been shown part of my own debt. I want to share it with you and others as an example of God's mercy and to say to my fellow chelas: "Whatever the cost, however great you may perceive the pain, don't give up! Keep getting up, no matter how many times you fall. Don't wait for someone else to save you but roll up your sleeves and give yourself to the Masters. They will never let you down and they will provide you every opportunity to salvage your life."
Sometimes one of the greatest burdens we can bear is knowing that we are not living up to our potential. Since I was a child, parents, teachers and peers have expected "great things" of me because I seemed to have it all - brains, talent, personality, et cetera. But what I also had was a sense of unworthiness and a paralyzing fear that prevented me from ever truly achieving my goals. I had little sense of direction and my primary purpose was to entertain and please other people.
As a child I tried very hard to be perfect to win approval. But by the time I reached college I was disillusioned with living up to other people's goals for me. I stopped trying to be the best and instead tried to fit in with my peers in the theatre department. This meant stooping lower and lower to be popular to the extent that one day I realized that my life was just slipping away. I felt I was dying and I couldn't stop it. Even though I believed in God and was searching for spiritual answers to life's questions, I felt like a pawn of the universe - simply going where circumstances took me.
When I found the Teachings of the Ascended Masters, I knew this was the answer my soul had always longed for. I also knew that it was my last opportunity to save my life. I was in Colorado delaying a return drive to California because I had had a premonition that I would die in a car accident on the way. I was accustomed to having fairly accurate premonitions and had recently lost two cousins in car accidents, so I took this warning seriously.
By God's grace, I mentioned this fear to some friends who had attended Summit University. They told me about Archangel Michael and taught me to decree. When they talked about Saint Germain and the spiritual foundation of America, fireworks went off inside me. They also explained how many Seventh Ray angels had fallen because they had identified too closely with the roles they assumed in heaven while doing plays to instruct the children of God. I felt a very keen kinship with these angels and with their grief.
I soon became a Keeper of the Flame and I had a remarkable experience. I opened a copy of Climb the Highest Mountain and turned to the sepia portrait of El Morya. I had never seen his picture but I knew instantly it was Morya. As soon as my eyes met his, he shot a spark of blue fire directly into my heart from his picture. It was so powerful that I was physically knocked back. I knew from that moment he was my Guru. When the Masters say that they choose us, not the other way around, I know what they mean!
I attended my first conference eighteen months later. The instant you came on the platform to speak, I recognized you as the true Messenger because I saw the same spirit of God in you that I had sometimes felt moving through me while I was performing. I knew I was home and I wanted to be a part of the Community of the Holy Spirit. I attended Summit University three months later and joined your staff immediately thereafter. That was nearly fifteen years ago and through God's mercy and the intercession of your own long-suffering heart, I have never left.
There have been some tough times during those fifteen years, mostly because of that terrible sense of unworthiness and fear plaguing everything I tried to accomplish. Even though I knew there was nowhere else for me and I had many wonderful experiences, there were long periods of time when I felt totally unworthy to be here and dreadfully unclean amidst so much light. But, thankfully, I have never been a quitter and you let me stay - even when I think you must have wondered why!
When I joined staff, I asked El Morya to put me on the front lines where I could serve him best and make up for lost time. He obliged with many challenging assignments and I have always tried my best not to let him down. But I did let him down - many times - because I could not conquer my fear. It made me a weak vessel and an undependable chela, the knowledge of which was a heartbreaking burden while I was trying so hard to serve well.
This past summer I went through a particularly difficult series of events that I truly wondered if I could survive. It was at the conclusion of a period of intense karma that I can only relate to as the dark night of my soul. Despite the love of my husband and his unwavering support of my Christhood, I had felt cut off from you, from God and from my own spirituality for nearly three years. It was an agonizing time, during which I felt I had no recourse but to put one foot in front of the other every day and to hope for the strength to keep going. I could hardly even pray because I felt so unworthy. I could not seem to do anything right. My self-esteem really hit bottom when I was finally relieved of my position.
You even gave me the opportunity to resign. But when I said I was determined to stay, you were sweet enough to give me a series of assignments that have allowed me to heal and to find resolution in my psychology, peace in my soul and a bonding to Christ that I never thought possible.
In the course of rebuilding my life, I entered into intense therapy with one of our staff counsellors. I had previously pursued therapy intermittently and had read several of the inner child books, which gave me a good foundation to dig deeply into the psychology of unworthiness and fear. Because I felt so ill-equipped to act as a loving inner adult to my wounded inner child, my therapist suggested that I ask the Ascended Masters to act as my inner parents. I chose El Morya as my father and Kuan Yin as my mother and I started to decree as I had never decreed before for the transmutation of the anger and fear and negative emotions I felt coming up from my unconscious.
It was a remarkable alchemy. I did at least thirty minutes of violet flame every day, using my sword to cut me loose from records of unreality and from the mask of personality that covered my Real Self. As I cleared these burdens from my soul, my inner child was able to come forward and we started a wonderful communication through the process of dialoguing.
She explained many of my childhood experiences, especially from the infant self. I actually experienced the shock and dismay of a mature soul being stuck in an infant body. I was amazed at how angry and frustrated my inner child was simply because she was not able to accomplish all the things she had planned to do as soon as she took embodiment. My inner child explained how dangerous it is for parents to let infants express anger because it can set a pattern for life that is difficult for them to break.
I was making a lot of progress with the violet flame but I felt it wasn't enough, so I added to my daily ritual the Devotions to the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I did this ritual for several weeks and felt a softening of my heart, a buoyancy of my spirit and a strengthening of my soul that I had never experienced before. During the workday I would actually feel Christ in me and around me. I knew it was Jesus and I knew it was my own Christ Self.
Life was becoming such a joy! At that time, my staff assignment included talking to our members from all over the world as well as to new people who called in for information about our Church. I had the opportunity to discover all over again the exhilaration of talking to people about the Teachings and sharing with them the fruits of my fifteen years of service and discipline as a chela. I was able to see the numberless little problems that beset people who do not have these Teachings and to compare them with a path that has not been easy but that has simply dissolved petty desires, mild dislikes, misconceptions and annoyances that, if left to fester, can tear a soul from her God.
So my inner child and I grew together and I had some profound experiences where El Morya and Kuan Yin directly interceded to rescue a portion of that wounded inner child. However, the most remarkable episode came directly from the Sacred Heart of Jesus.
After a particularly revealing therapy session, I returned to my room to pray. Having concluded thirty minutes of violet flame, I proceeded with the Devotions to the Sacred Heart. I was deeply centered and not more than a page into the ritual when suddenly I saw myself on inner planes before this embodiment. I was on my knees at Jesus' feet with my arms around his legs, tearfully begging him for mercy - for opportunity for another life.
I saw that I had died suddenly and that my death was my own fault. Whether or not I had actually committed suicide, I am not certain - but the effect was the same. I had killed myself by so depleting my life force through a frivolous and decadent lifestyle that I had no strength left to battle the forces of darkness that opposed my mission. The grief I felt for having wasted an embodiment was unfathomable and I wept from the very depths of my soul.
I was then shown that I had been doing the same thing in this life before I found the Teachings. I had been wasting my life and it was only God's intercession that allowed me to pull out of the dive. My inner child revealed that God had granted my plea for another opportunity and that Jesus had promised that I would find the Teachings. But I would have to face the karma of having chosen death in more than one embodiment. The seeds of death and unreality would be planted in me early in life and I would have to consciously choose life - not death - over and over in order to earn my spiritual path.
This explained the torment that my soul had lived in ever since I could remember. I was so desperately afraid of failing this time. Whenever I would make a mistake, I would actually feel like dying and sometimes it would take me several days to pull myself together and go on. But my soul was absolutely determined to make it. I think you must have always known this because you have shown me so much love and compassion while never letting me get away with the slightest compromise of my Real Self. No one can truly appreciate the tenderness of the Guru for the chela and the tenacity of the Guru in fighting for the chela's Christhood unless one has experienced it as I have.
And having experienced this almost incomprehensible love, I can only affirm to my fellow chelas: "Nothing is worth more than your path. What could be more wonderful than living and working for the Masters on this beautiful ranch they have provided for us, where our children can grow up under the canopy of the Divine Mother and our souls can work out their reason for being and fight their way back to the very heart of God? Come join us on staff, if you will. But wherever you are on the Path, keep on keeping on. You have no idea what God may have saved you from."
I serve in gratitude with all the love of my heart,
I wanted to take the time to express my profound gratitude to Mother and her staff for their unending service. The Easter conference was astounding! I am so grateful that you all are there serving and working as tirelessly and selflessly as you do so that those of us who come from afar and not so very often may bask in the immense light that is there.
Words really fail to express my gratitude to God and the Masters as well as to each of you there who make these conferences possible and who make a modern day mystery school possible. My mouth still drops open in amazement when I recall the immense light that was transmitted during the conference. It is such a miracle that we are able to be in the almost physical presence of the Ascended Masters and that we have a Messenger in embodiment.
I've been telling everyone I meet about the astounding spiritual retreat I went to in Montana with Elizabeth Clare Prophet. This dispensation is too amazing to keep a secret any longer! I could go on and on, but I need to close.
Once again, thank you, thank you, thank you, to each and every one of you there.