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To the world that is earth we go! And to the earth we say: Like it or not, here we come! For we the legions of Hercules and Amazonia are on the march! [29-second standing ovation]
One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four! One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! We are marching! We are marching by the millions! And we come with that tremendous force of Helios and Vesta, of the sun of Helios and Vesta, of Alpha and Omega, of the All-Seeing Eye of God. For by your calls you are well nigh clearing false hierarchies who would suppress (can you imagine!) the living presence of the Eye of God and the wholeness of the Eye of God - the living presence of Helios and Vesta and the Sun behind the sun! Well, they become more stupid by the year, do they not?
We come, beloved hearts. Yes, we come. [17-second standing ovation] We come in defense of the messengers of God. We come in defense of the chelas of the will of God. For who else can we defend except those who are in alignment with that will, that wondrous Law and that Law that is empowerment?
Know the Law and you shall conquer. Know the Law divine and you shall be the advocate for all those who do not understand what it means to be on the right side of the Law. Know the Law, beloved ones, and you can defend every little one. Know the Law and you will make your ascension in the Light.
Ignorance of the law of the First Ray is no excuse! And we are here to tell you, we, Hercules and Amazonia, that you must become knowledgeable of the law, human and divine, so that you are not caught and caught again by the traps of the fallen ones, who themselves are too lazy to learn the law - some of them, that is. But the archdeceivers, they are masters of the law. And therefore Satan, that archdeceiver, did quote the law to Jesus and Jesus quoted back to him the higher Law.1
Therefore understand, beloved hearts, that to know the will of God, to know the law of God, is to love it! If you are born of God and born of the Light and have gone listing to this side or listing to that side, I tell you it is because you have not known of the riches of the Spirit of the living God and that the Law itself, as well as the Lawgiver, is power and empowerment!
Now be seated, beloved ones. For you are in the presence of the Elohim of Power - the Elohim who can empower you, the Elohim who look right through you and back again. And therefore we see any out-of-alignment state in any of your four lower bodies and we desire to help you.
How can you move about in ignorance of the law of your own body? How can you not know what is happening inside of your body? Well, beloved, this is the day when I say: Awake! Awake! Awake and know that you are either the master of your body or the slave of your body and of your false appetites.
Come to know, beloved, that there is no greater joy you shall ever attain to than the joy of absolute God-victory over this flesh, over this heart, over these emotions, over these desires, over these feelings and over all of the clogging of the mind and the pores of your being with that substance that simply does not allow the light of the sun of Helios and Vesta to pass through.
So you see, there is someone else, besides the fallen ones, who is blocking the Light of the Cosmic Christ in you. Guess who? It is you yourself, your own worst enemy! And I do not speak of your dweller-on-the-threshold. I speak of you - you, you, you, you, you, you, the very you! [7-second applause]
Some of you decide to blame everything that is wrong with you on your dweller-on-the-threshold, as if it were some chained beast pacing up and down in the corner of your electronic belt who lunges to do all of these crazy things in your name, and you get blamed for them but it is not you!
Well, I tell you, it is you, you, you! It is you, beloved. It is you in the nexus of free will, in the nexus of the mind, in the decision to get up in the morning or to stay in bed, to go to work or not go to work, to eat right or to eat wrong. These are decisions that you make.
And therefore, by wrong decision you may increase the beast of the dweller and by right decision you may decrease it, but you must understand that that beast is not just idling in some dark corner of the mind. That beast has woven itself into the fabric of your being, and so you must fast out the beast. (Some of you have not gone through your Lenten fast. It is a bit late, but it is better late than never.)
I recommend various kinds of fasts - fasting from the world and its consciousness, and fasting from the foods of the world. It is good to fast in springtime to purge your body from the denser foods of winter and to bring back life to your forces. And it is good to fast in the fall to cleanse your body of the fruits and yin foods of summer, thereby strengthening it for winter. Spring comes late in this part of the world and therefore you have an extended time to partake of the seasonal herbs.
Yes, beloved, this is your temple and you will not get another until your next life, you see. And if you wait till your next life to get another temple, well, the world will pass you by. Your dweller may have grown a bit, or by leaps and bounds, and circumstances may be less fortuitous.
Now is the time for you to fortify the mind by fortifying the vessel of the mind, which is the brain. Thus fortify each of your organs by the power of Light, by the power of Victory, by the power of that absolute God-conviction that by your submission to your Mighty I AM Presence your body will come into alignment and you will be enlightened concerning the causes and effects that are in your body.
This is a statement well-taken, well-put, beloved. For you see, if you knew the truth, you would discover that by not holding the proper thoughts and feelings, by holding a negative attitude about yourself, by believing every suggestion someone makes (who shouldn't be suggesting at all), you do err. For sometimes if someone tells you that you have this sickness or that sickness, that you have this or that problem, you believe it as though you had gone to a witch doctor and that witch doctor had cast a spell on you and as a result you no longer had the strength to live. And so you go into this mood of morbidity - and then you are really in trouble!
I tell you, in addition to the calls on the misuses of the science of healing on this planet that you ought to be giving at your Wednesday night service, there are the calls of the healing decrees themselves. You ought to be trusting in God for your healing, enlisting the support of those practitioners who are wise and able to assist you but not for one moment giving in to any verdict whatsoever whereby you are told that this, that or the next thing is wrong with you and it is incurable and you shall die, die, die!
Blessed hearts, I warn you because among you there are individuals who have become hypochondriacs. Beloved ones, you are continually tending that body and taking all sorts of potions and admixtures of this and that type of supplement, vitamin, et cetera. And you are doing damage to your bodies, one by one, instead of pursuing a vigorous exercise program, getting in line with the sun of Helios and Vesta,2 commanding your body to raise up that presence of wellness, that presence of right-mindfulness, that absolute firm conviction that declares to the body that it will not be ill, it will not say die, it will not go down until you have fulfilled your mission - and you fully intend to fulfill your mission!
If you were in that frame of mind, then you would be humble and obedient before the laws of health and the laws of chemistry, which you can learn if you will take the time to listen to the expert that we have sent you.3 And therefore you will know a life wherein your own Christ Self can enter not only your physical body but also your etheric, mental and emotional bodies and be comfortable and work through you and move through you.
Blessed hearts, it is a serious matter when you accept a negative prognosis on your body and do not challenge it and do not call to your Holy Christ Self and your body elemental to reverse it and do not study what you can do yourself to reverse that prognosis and to summon the body's forces to heal itself. It is quite a thing to behold chelas of long standing succumbing to such aggressive mental suggestion.
And sometimes I must bow my head to think that you, the chelas of El Morya, would so indulge yourselves in fear, fear of what the so-called experts have told you about your bodies, when you are the experts on your own bodies - when you tune in to the consciousness of your Holy Christ Self and your body elemental. At least you would be experts had you been studying the texts on health and healing that we have brought to you.
Well, I AM Hercules and I have been in physical embodiment. And you have heard the tales, some of them of course very much embellished, of my labors. But I tell you, even without embellishment, those labors were difficult. And in those days I was subject to a body such as others wore and yet I had my strength, I completed my labors and I even balanced some karma that I had made along the way. So you cannot tell me, "Hercules, you don't know how it feels to be in physical embodiment."
Well, not only do I know how it feels to be in physical embodiment, I know how it feels to fight against forces of Darkness bent on my utter and total destruction, even the destruction of my soul. And I know what it means, believe me, to be in this world and to summon the strength and the forces of Light that are necessary to defeat any adversary!
And the adversary keeps coming and the adversary is cunning. And if you are not mentally and spiritually alert, he will insert "things" into your subconscious mind, bypassing the doorkeeper of your conscious mind. And if you do not keep the watch on the citadel of consciousness, you will not catch those "things," and those very "things" could spell your undoing.
You must be watchful and recognize that even though the souls who come to you may be sweet souls, they bear the vestiges of the dweller-on-the-threshold nonetheless. And in all of those labors where I fought - fought for my life, for my victory, for my initiations and fought through my self-imposed penance to balance the karma that I had made - well, beloved ones, there was always the dweller-on-the-threshold lurking in anyone who would come my way, even in the most loving and wonderful people.
So beware of this! And beware that that dweller can inject into the mind of another jealousy and envy of whatever you may have, whether it be your husband or wife or children or your possessions or your good health. And you know the stories of the evil eye.4 It is best you keep to yourself your good fortune.
Yes, beloved, remember, then, the charge Mark Prophet gave to you: "Trust no man." Now, adhering to this could make life very sad if you did not know the teaching behind the axiom. You see, it is wise not to trust the human consciousness that wavers even from hour to hour, but to trust the Christ in each one. And so you speak to the Christ in each one. You speak to that Oversoul, you speak to that guardian angel, and you go to the very heart of that which is real in all whom you meet. And you support the soul who has not quite made it to the altar to be made the wife of her Spouse.
Yes, beloved, you can be everyone's friend and you can maintain a relationship of trust as long as it is God whom you trust in the individual. And since you do not trust the carnal mind, the dweller-on-the-threshold, you must examine the mood and the vibration and what comes out of people's mouths. For not that which goeth into the mouth defileth the man, but that which cometh out5 - not only out of the mouth but out of each of the seven chakras.
Shall you believe what comes out of the mouth or the chakras of the carnally minded or shall you not believe it? Well, you shall research the matter. You shall go after the cause behind the effect, the thought that preceded the word and the action. You shall leave no stone unturned as you sort out the real from the unreal but you shall guard the physical vessel [i.e., your physical body], for it is the dwelling place not only of your Christ Self but ultimately of Elohim. Therefore, the wise who befriend the souls of all put on the whole armour of God6 by invoking their tube of light and calling to Archangel Michael for protection.
Perfect the body and offer it as a chalice to God and see who among the hosts of the LORD will come and minister unto you - before you, behind you, to your right, to your left! See who will come and dwell with you and in you and be the angelic presence of God around you.
When you attain to the perfectionment of self, you will have the strength as well as the softness. You will have the power of the Great Tao itself. You will know the meaning of the words of the Tao Te Ching. You will know the wisdom of those who have gone before you. You will have equanimity, you will have balance and you will not be moved by anything anyone says or does to you. You will not be moved by any condition of the flesh or the spirit. No, you will direct a ray of light from your Mighty I AM Presence into it and accept your absolute victory and your absolute God-immortality.
Thus I speak to you. I speak of guarding the physical envelope, for I have been in physical embodiment, as has Amazonia. And then again, she held the balance for me from the highest realms of Light while I was in physical embodiment, overseeing our joint effort to raise up the once-magnificent race of women embodied in South America, who had entered into degradation upon degradation.
Yes, beloved, it is sometimes difficult for a twin flame who is ascended or abiding in higher octaves to hold the balance for the other half of the Divine Whole, the twin flame in the earth. But the one who is in the earth does benefit greatly in having that tie to octaves of Light. And therefore do not take it for granted.
If there are those among you who think your twin flame is not ascended, be not concerned. For the highest expression of your twin flame is in actuality your own Mighty I AM Presence and your own Holy Christ Self. And the other half of that pattern of the Divine Whole is vested in the threefold flame of your twin flame, who may be evolving on earth or elsewhere.
Thus no matter who or where your twin flame may be, each of you has a mighty anchor in heaven and that mighty anchor is God, and his grace is sufficient for you.7 And I say, let that grace be sufficient for you! Let it be sufficient, beloved ones, and then you won't have to be concerned with people who give you free advice; but you will remember that it is your mind, it is your heart, it is your body, and you must decide what you will do with it.
And often what makes you decide is the subconscious or the unconscious mind - the psychology of the situation you are in when you feel bad about yourself and you take it out on your body by eating things that are bad for you. This may eventually even cause you to pass from the screen of life; and I tell you, beloved, you will take with you the karma of your abuse of your body and your body elemental.
It's true. If you mistreat your body, you will bear the karma of that mistreatment. Do you think you will automatically reembody in a wonderful body if you do not care for the body you have? No, beloved, you will manifest in your body the karma of your last embodiment. So don't think you can get away with anything, even the misuse of the physical body. It will return to haunt you in your next life and the next until you decide to love your body and your body elemental.
There are many among you today who carry weaknesses in the physical body that did not begin in this lifetime. You inherited them because you caused them in previous lifetimes. So now is the time to get to the bottom of your psychology, to get to the bottom of your eating habits and recognize that you eat not to surfeit yourselves and then collapse into a stupor, but you eat that you might live life to its fullest and serve to set life free and to enjoy every moment of it. You eat that you might fashion a body that is a suitable instrument for the ascended and unascended adepts of the entire planet.
When your body is in right alignment, beloved, you will see and feel the power of God descending upon you, if you are doers of the will of God and not only hearers of the Word.8 Those who do not do the will of God, who do not come into alignment with the laws of God, we cannot defend, we are not authorized to defend. They are out of the pale of our blessing. Thus be doers of the will of God, embody his Word and know his laws.
How will you know how to do the will of God if you do not know the laws of God? Well, the answer is quite simple. You won't. If you do not know the laws of God, you are going to bungle things up. You are going to think you are doing right when you are not doing right. You are going to turn this way or that way when you should be going straight ahead.
Doing the will of God and embodying his Word because you know his laws, you become the guarantor of your individual Christhood. In that mode you can set an example for your children and all who are entrusted to your care. And when you have the absolute conviction of the Law because you know and love and embody the Law - for you have studied the laws of God - then you can speak with love and kindness and a gentle warning: "No, no, do not go in that direction. There is danger in that direction, I assure you."
And when you are able to speak out of profound oneness with your Inner Christ, when he who is called The LORD Our Righteousness lives in you, when you meditate upon the laws of God day and night and do assimilate the Word, as has been said today9 (the words of the published and unpublished Teachings, which many of you have scarcely even gotten into though you have been on the Path for many years), when you know the Teaching and the Law, then you can deliberate and arrive at the right answers and be certain of your approach to every equation of life. It is those who do not know the laws of God who make the biggest mistakes and who, continuing in their ignorance, have made those mistakes for centuries, taking the wrong turn again and again.
Most of you have made a number of wrong turns in life just driving your vehicles here and there. And you know how much time it can take to go all the way around just to get where you were when you made the wrong turn.
Well, I tell you, some wrong turns in life can never be undone. They involve much too much - in planning one's life, in matters of money, in choices of education, of a profession, of community service, and in whatever is the next turn of the road and the next and the next. Some people do not come back to square one until it is too late, when they are no longer able to undertake the challenge of a lifetime that they should have undertaken years ago and successfully completed before they entered the next course.
So we are on the march in the earth! We are marching in defense of the messengers of God. The first messenger of God that you know is your own Holy Christ Self. Your Holy Christ Self brings you the message of your Mighty I AM Presence - if you have ears to hear and a heart that is inclined to Truth. And since most people know neither their Holy Christ Self nor their I AM Presence, God sends prophets and messengers in the flesh. And they are protected by the Archangels, for they are under the mantle of God. And the saints of God are also classified among the messengers, for they deliver the mandate of the will of God and thus they too are protected.
We desire to expand our area of protection. We desire to draw under the canopy of the protection of the Elohim of the First Ray many who if they knew better would do better. And therefore they need teachers - teachers of the law of karma and reincarnation, teachers of the law proclaimed by the Buddha, by the Christ, by Zarathustra, teachers who are willing to study to understand what are the elements that a soul must be aware of in order to have a glorious victory in this life.
Blessed hearts, I ask you, then, to be the mouthpiece of Hercules and Amazonia, even as others of the ascended hosts have called you to be the mouthpiece of the Brotherhood. Be a mouthpiece of the law of God and enjoy that law as you would savor your favorite food or your favorite book.
Yes, beloved, the Law is a living flame of Love. Justice is Love. Mercy is Love. And when you love enough to know the Law and you are able to defend the rights of your own soul, who has been persecuted lifetime after lifetime, when you know the law of the path of your Christhood and you know what ways are the right ways and you can anticipate the initiations that will come to you - on this hand from Satan, on that hand from Lucifer,10 on this side from your own dweller-on-the-threshold and on that side from your best friends - then you are poised to accelerate and take off on life's runway.
You must understand that these initiations are written in the law books of heaven and that all sons and daughters of God who are worth their salt and their mettle must undergo them and get beyond them and also heal the scars in their psyche with the glorious Body and Blood of Jesus Christ that is manifest in the ritual of transubstantiation, Holy Communion.
Yes, beloved, when you understand the tests that the saints have undergone, when you put on their sandals and walk the roads that they have walked, when you understand that there is a succession of tests that you must pass - tests that are hard but can be passed - when you have studied the Law and you know the laws that pertain to those tests, then you are ready to come up higher, test after test after test.
When you are totally ignorant of the Law, and you do not expect to be tested whether by God or the devil, I tell you, you are fair game. And you may simply fall in with a band of thieves or get into trouble with children in the school yard or the wrong crowd on campus or businessmen who cut corners, cheat the law, get arrested and wind up in jail.
Beloved ones, when you do not know the law of the spiritual path and the laws of the nations and the laws governing everything that is a part of your life, you will soon see that your life is a hit-or-miss proposition and that you simply cannot afford to lose any more time in your state of ignorance.
Beloved, there is no test that can come to you out of Death and Hell or out of God and the heavenly hosts that God has not allowed. If you are a doer of the will of God and a lover of the will of God, if you raise up the Light of the Christ and offer your simple calls for protection, then you must know that what comes to you is either for your strengthening or it is a karma whose time has come. In either case, it comes as blessing but it may seem to come as bane and only later be recognized as blessing. And because it seemed to be bane and you did not react negatively to it or to your God, nor did you curse your God for sending you some calamity, you score a certain number of points.
But if when misfortune comes upon you, you rail against the Godhead, you are angry with your wife, you are angry with your dog, you are angry with your chickens, you are angry with anyone you meet wherever you go, well, beloved ones, you had better put all that aside, because you are going to get that test again and again and again until you pass it. And if you keep on hitting your head against a wall, you are never going to pass that test and you will have to reembody and you will still have that same test before you.
And that is why, I tell you truthfully, some people leave the Path. They leave it early on because they see the handwriting on the wall after they have been around a few years. They see that if they don't have a mind to pass their tests daily, they aren't going to get anywhere, so they might as well leave. Or they leave the Path later because they have come to their twelfth year or their fifteenth year or their eighteenth year with the Ascended Masters and they finally say, "Hey, wait a minute! This isn't for me. I'm not prepared to make the sacrifices that are required at this level - or the surrender." What's more, they haven't defined the word surrender vis à vis their relationship to God.
Well, it takes some people that long, beloved ones. And that's the way it goes when they haven't really reckoned with the rigors of discipleship on the Path. But you see, they have come to that place in their twelfth or their fifteenth or their eighteenth year lifetime after lifetime after lifetime. And this is a very, very sad situation indeed because there are only so many times you can be tested on the same point and then it is over. And then you suffer the full karma of having taken the Path and the Teaching and not having put it to good use when you had to make a decision between your lower ego and your Divine Ego.
So, blessed hearts, what happens then? Why do you fail again? It is a combination of not having studied the Law and simply not having the will to be obedient to that Law and again saying no. "No, I will not pass this test! I will not even take it. I will not even be in school that day. I will be absent from the etheric retreat and I will be absent from the schoolroom where that test is being given on earth."
And so, that is the story of many would-be disciples. Do not point the finger at the Messenger or the Ascended Masters, beloved. Let those who depart the Path recognize that it is almost like playing Russian roulette, because you never know when it is the last time that you will have the opportunity to pass that same test.
If I were to put before you now the record of the Keeper of the Scrolls and read to you the names of lifestreams you have known and some whom you have not known, and if I were to tell you when and where they began to decide that they would not take a certain initiation, you would see that the record goes back to Lemuria and to past ages that predate Lemuria that have not even been mentioned in the texts that have been written regarding earth's early history.
The failure on the part of lifestreams who lived long ago to even have the will to pass these tests stems from their original rebellion against God. And they have not relented to this hour. Beloved ones, of a truth, I must announce to you by the full authority of the Elohim of the First Ray that many of these very old souls are coming to the place in this life in this decade where they will face that test for the final time.
And in their final facing of that test or in their unwillingness to face it, as their freewill choice may be, they will fall to the right or to the left; and if they fail to choose to be who they are in God, they will not be allowed to see a mystery school for many aeons. And some will come to realize that this time by their nonaction, their failure to constructively qualify the Light and multiply the dispensation they had access to, they will have lost their threefold flame.
Beloved ones, I do not say this to in any way frighten or intimidate. I come as the spokesman of the Lawgiver. For you have a right to know when you are playing with the very destiny of your soul at the same time you are rationalizing that it is not necessary to take the next step and the next step of initiation but it is all right to stay on one level and remain there as long as you like.
Well, you cannot remain an initiate of the Great White Brotherhood on any level if that is your conclusion. It is a faulty conclusion and it is not based upon the law of God. When you come to that conclusion and you have failed to pass that test so many times, then you are removed from the path of the Great White Brotherhood entirely and we must make room for others who have not had a preferred place, as you have had, and whose turn it now is to take those initiations from the very first steps.
Beloved ones, this is not news to you. Your souls have known and been told from the day and the hour you first took up the Teachings of the Ascended Masters that the consequence of the knowledge of the Teaching and of the Path is that you must take it, take it to the fullest, drink the cup, drink all of it and keep on moving forward. Thus, as you do so, you are those who awaken to everlasting Life. If you do not, you will surely awaken to everlasting contempt11 because you will have contempt of the Law and the Lawgiver and rail against God. And there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.12
So understand, beloved, those who are not willing to take the initiations of the Lord of the First Ray, the Archangel of the First Ray, the Elohim of the First Ray and the Lords and Buddhas who come in the lineage of Sanat Kumara on the First Ray suffer a grave loss. And they go away in anger and that anger does increase. And perhaps sometime, somewhere, if they choose to cast it into the violet flame and beg the mercy of God, they may one day find a sponsor again. This, then, must be the understanding and this must be the self-knowledge.
Thus, I AM Hercules, I AM Amazonia. We come in the joy of our love of you. For we are Father-Mother Elohim out of the seven and we have played a part in the very creation of the vehicles of your being, supplied to you at many levels, depending on the levels of consciousness where you have taken up your abode.
We are very close to all evolutions of the earth and we have seen the majority go the way of their own human will. We pray, we trust and we hope against hope that they will return to the center of the path of God before it is too late.
One of the initiations of the Path, beloved, is that the soul does not always know when she has the last and final opportunity. Some souls do know. And even though they know they yet make the wrong choice. What can we do but hang our heads and face the Great Central Sun and bow once again to the will of God?
May you, then, support all on the Path with your joy, with your wisdom, with your love. May you support all to keep on keeping on. Just turn the corner and see the rainbow and turn the next and see how the sun dissolves all sorrow and pain. And turn the next and see how all that you desire, God is waiting to give to you, each one, as you pass every test.
Thus Saint Germain has hurled that fiat to you and we do also: May you pass every test of the will of God! [28-second standing ovation]
This dictation by beloved Hercules and Amazonia was delivered by the Messenger Elizabeth Clare Prophet on Easter Sunday, April 11, 1993, during the five-day Easter Retreat 1993. [N.B. This dictation was edited for print by the Messenger under Hercules and Amazonia's direction.]
"I Chose Life, Not Death for My Baby"
Enclosed you will find my "witness story." I would like it to be considered for the "I AM the Witness" section of the Pearls of Wisdom.
I also want to express my eternal gratitude to you for conveying my needs to the Ascended Masters, especially El Morya and Kuan Yin. Yes, I confirm in my heart that Kuan Yin's words in her dictation on Holy Saturday, April 18, 1992, were in reference to my handicapped child. Beloved Kuan Yin said:
You know very well that today millions of people are desiring to adopt children. There is no possible excuse for abortion - none whatsoever (except, as it has already been said, in the case where the mother's life is in danger). For, beloved hearts, even if it is foreknown that a child will be born with certain handicaps and certain difficulties, as in a case that the Messenger has recently handled, that child has a right, as the Messenger counseled, to live to expiate the karma of being in that body. And if that child is to be given up for adoption, the opportunity will be given to others to care for that child and nurture in their own hearts the Mercy flame by ministering to a child who is not physically perfect but may come with a heart of great love as a sacrifice unto the nations.
How will anyone tell whether a Christ might be born if children are rejected before they have even completed their gestation in the womb because some problem in that body is perceived and the doctors recommend an abortion at seven months?
Mother, I would like all Keepers who read this story to know how deeply devoted you are to students on the Path. In the thirteen years of my involvement with the Teachings as a student in the field, I hadn't approached you even once concerning my personal problems. I believed in my heart that our Holy Christ Self has all of the answers to our dilemmas. This dilemma, however, was a real trial by fire. I made a few determined phone calls to your secretary and she returned my calls,telling me of your faithful support through prayers and decrees for my husband and me. (She even called me in the hospital to check on me!) I want other Keepers to know how really concerned you are for us and how accessible you are in an emergency situation. I wish I could thank you in person. There aren't words enough to tell you of my gratitude.
There have been many miraculous events concerning this baby and (even though it was a horrible situation) it really points to the faithfulness of God. God is faithful to those who are faithful - and He does hear our prayers. So here is my story:
I was pregnant with my fifth child when I became a statistic. I was receiving professional and regular prenatal care when a routine ultrasound at thirty-one weeks revealed that my child would be born with multiple handicaps. The prognosis was not good: the child had a spinal abnormality known as spina bifida - or "open spine" defect - which meant she would be born with a cleft, or hole, in her spinal column. (Only 2 percent of babies carried full term to birth are affected with spina bifida.) This had also caused one of her legs to be rotated at the hip and permanently crossed across the front of her body. Both of her feet were clubbed and she had excessive fluid on the brain, strongly suggesting some degree of mental retardation. She also had a piece of cartilage missing from her skull.
How could a baby survive in utero or even through the birth process with such great odds against her? How could I take care of this child - crippled, incontinent, mentally disabled? Who could? Who would? Are people born like this truly happy or should they be aborted?
I had been active in the pro-life movement for six years and I was asking myself these questions. I was receiving professional therapy at this time from various sources, including a genetics therapist, a neonatal doctor, a perinatal doctor, a pregnancy-crisis counselor, a priest, a preacher, friends and parents of spina bifida children. Almost all of them suggested that I immediately get an abortion. It had to be immediate, as I was half a week away from being outside of the legal limits for getting a late-term abortion in Ohio and almost every other state.
The perinatal doctor who had detected the birth defects said that he could "manipulate my files" so that I would actually appear on paper to be less advanced in pregnancy than I truly was. (This is the dilemma on the medical side of it - at thirty weeks of gestational age "it" is a "fetus"; a half a week later "it" is a "preterm baby.") I had to make a heartrending decision in seventy-two hours. How did I feel about the unborn's rights? I had carried four other babies. What did I truly believe about abortion?
In the preceding weeks I had received an anonymous phone call from a woman in Ohio. She talked to me as if she knew me and asked me if I would contact a private Christian adoption agency she was working with. She had heard of my situation from a close acquaintance of mine in northern Ohio and she wanted to discuss adopting my baby. She was familiar with the prognosis of my unborn child and, in fact, had herself adopted a child with similar handicaps. She and her husband were willing to take my unborn child with "whatever" her limitations would be. They had contacts with doctors who specialized in the care of these types of babies.
I had a hard time believing all of this and, in fact, didn't take the call seriously until she called me a second time - even more determined to adopt my unborn handicapped child.
After much internal struggle and many prayers, my husband and I decided against abortion and in favor of adoption. But we still had many trials to go through towards the end of the pregnancy. The baby's head was so large that the doctors decided that they would need to deliver her two weeks early by cesarean section. However, they dismissed me as their patient for what they said were "legal reasons." We were forced to go to another city to find a doctor who would deliver my baby and to find a neonatal surgeon who could perform the baby's spinal surgery.
I have to add here that my family was being prayed for by literally hundreds of people throughout the world - including you, our beloved Messenger. Summit Lighthouse study groups prayed for me; a convent in Fátima, Portugal, prayed for me; Sisters of Our Lady of Mercy, pro-life organizations, devotees of Padre Pio, Saint Gerard and Saint Thérèse of Lisieux prayed for me. I was enrolled in Mass novenas through gracious Catholic friends. My name was put in healing chalices throughout churches in Catholic and Protestant sanctuaries.
During this time of great trial and emotional devastation I too had a spiritual responsibility to the child. What prayers and decrees did I offer up daily for this little one? Each day I would say three full rosaries - one in the morning, one in the afternoon, and one in the evening with my four children. Between each decade I would petition your Holy Christ Self and the Holy Christ Self of various saints to intercede for me and ask for God's mercy. In the afternoon I gave a Catholic rosary novena consecrated to Divine Mercy. I prayed for mercy for myself, my husband, my unborn child and the prospective parents. I somehow knew that God's mercy would be the key element to guide me through this situation.
During the last trimester of my pregnancy I was ill with a bacterial case of bronchitis/laryngitis, which made it quite difficult for me to have powerful, long decree sessions. Therefore I had to whisper many mantras, fiats and all of my decree work. However, in doing my violet flame decrees and decree number 50.02, "Christ Wholeness," I would visualize the baby's brain, spinal column and other affected areas bathed in the violet flame.
During my pregnancy, I also did Ashram Ritual 3 - Sacred Ritual for Attunement with God's Holy Will - as well as decree 0.21, "Attunement" by Mother Mary. Throughout my crisis this ritual allowed me to literally "lean upon the Lord," thrusting myself into the arms of God. I did every kind of prayer, novena, fiat, decree that I could get my hands on to pull down God's will and God's infinite mercy into my lifestream. I believe that this is petitioning the Lord. This is the kind of prayer work it takes to make it through something like this without cracking up emotionally. This crisis took me to my emotional limits but not my spiritual limits, for I saw it as an expansion of my awareness in and of God.
I would like to express with all of my heart that God heareth our every prayer uttered, whether it be for a miraculous healing or patience and perseverance to sustain ourselves. In my case, a miraculous healing on the preborn was not performed but the outcome of her circumstances was miraculous.
On my birthday, which was close to the time I was to deliver, I received a phone call from your secretary. She conveyed to me a message from you that it was the baby's karma that had caused her abnormalities and that the pregnancy was my karma. Most importantly, she told me that El Morya had confirmed what I had known in my heart - that this baby was destined to be adopted and that this was the right decision on my part.
One week before the baby was due, I received another phone call at home, an anonymous one. This phone call was from another family in Ohio. They insisted that God had intended for them to adopt this baby! (You mean there were two families out there that wanted a multiple-handicapped baby?) This turn of events, plus the fact that I was able to personally review between fifteen to eighteen resumes of families willing to adopt my child, made it apparent to me that there are hundreds of families (in Ohio alone) that target themselves as adoptive families for "special needs infants," totally eliminating the foster home experience. Yes, there are people who are willing to be the hands of mercy for God - willing to provide an option to abortion - no matter what the physicalities of the child are. I've learned this for myself, firsthand. Adoption is an option to CHOOSE LIFE NOT DEATH.
In my heart, I knew that the first woman who called me was the one God wanted to have my baby. She and her husband are in their fifties, and my daughter is now their tenth child - their fourth adopted child and third handicapped child. These saintly adoptive parents feel extremely blessed for the gift of this little girl and the opportunity to care for her.
She was born on March 11, 1992, with spina bifida and hydrocephalus (an enlargement of the head due to an increase in cerebrospinal fluid), as the doctors had said she would be. In addition to the deformity in her legs, her feet were twisted and wrapped around her ankles. (During my pregnancy I had noticed that I never felt her kicking.) She was also born with several allergies and a faulty heart, although this had not been detected by the ultrasound.
After her birth, she was taken by ambulance to Children's Hospital, where her new parents and brothers and sisters were waiting to greet her. There she had surgery to seal up the hole in her spine and to insert a shunt into her brain in order to drain off the excess fluid. Before her first birthday, she had another operation to straighten her legs and feet, and she will likely need to undergo surgery periodically to replace the shunt.
Although she has been given many developmental tests to assess mental retardation, she is too young to definitely determine her mental capacity. At seventeen months, she knows sixty-six words, which is considered about average for a one-year-old. Her mobility is better than what had been expected. She can move her toes and pull herself up into a crawling position - which the specialists say is miraculous and unprecedented. I can only attribute this to prayer.
Her constitution is very delicate and her allergies often trigger seizures. If she gets too much of one kind of medicine and not enough of another, it can cause a seizure. Her adoptive parents have told me that her condition fluctuates daily, and so they treat her on a day-by-day basis. She is often in and out of hospitals and seems to have so many odds against her that every day of life is truly a miracle for her.
I pray for my daughter every day. And I especially pray to Mother Mary to be with her new parents and to work with them, giving them strength and courage. They are so dedicated to this child that they have said they would lay their life down for her. They call her their "little queen" and I know in my heart that she is very happy with them. In 1992 she was chosen by a local chapter of the Spina Bifida Association as the Child of the Year.
I have written this witness with the hope that it may help others. I am deeply grateful for the contact with the Great White Brotherhood and with you, their embodied Messenger. I could not have gone through this experience without that contact and without all your prayerful support.
There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able, but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. - I Cor. 10:13
"No, Mother, I Am Not Going to Let This Stop Me"
You have helped me many times in my life on the Path, for which I am very grateful. One intercession took place several years ago when I was serving in a Teaching Center. There was a period of time when I was in turmoil because I felt the Teaching Center should be moving in one direction of growth and the director of the center (it seemed to me) wanted it to go in another direction. I was pulled between doing what I felt should be done and the desire to uphold the office of the director and do as I was asked.
Early one morning just before rising, I found myself out of my body standing across a desk from where you were seated. We were out in the middle of a limitless cosmos with the stars all around us. There were no walls, floor or ceiling - only limitless space. You looked up at me with a smile and a joyous light in your eye and simply asked, "Are you going to let this stop you?" In the middle of this cosmos, where there was no sense of time and space limitations, problems on earth appeared rather small. I said, "No."
Upon answering, I began descending through space, passing through alternating single vertical and horizontal lines that came faster and faster and I realized that I was taking on layers of time and space. After what seemed like a million miles of space and only a second of time, I landed back in my body, which felt like a dense sack of concrete. My first thought when I realized this sack was my body was "This isn't fair." From that point on, however, what had seemed to be insurmountable problems disappeared. I could laugh at the world again and carry out all requests with a song in my heart. I became unattached to all the little decisions made in the Teaching Center. I could see that problems could be approached in many different ways and it no longer mattered to me what approach the director decided to take.
Since that experience, anytime I run into seeming unresolvable problems I call to mind your smiling face and the perspective of the cosmos freed from time and space and feel that freedom in my heart and say, "No, I am not going to let this stop me." The problems always disappear.
As I was writing of this experience, I remembered something I had read in a book called Conversations with William Drummond. The book is a collection of conversations between Drummond and the English dramatist Ben Jonson. It recounts an incident where Ben, with his well-educated mind, was indignant that Shakespeare would have a clock strike three in Julius Caesar, since there were no clocks in ancient Rome. I could almost hear the master saying to Ben, with a twinkle in his eye, "Ben, don't get hung up on the clock. After all, time is relative."
Thank you for all the steps you have led me through on my way Home.